Avengerverse Super-Sized Holiday Special!

December 21, 2020

Avengerverse Super-Sized Holiday Special!

OOC: Since this is a lengthy RP, I even put together a little music playlist for you to listen to while you read! Enjoy!

Christmas. It is a time for giving, for good cheer and helping others. Unless you are The Avenger, and have become aware of a threat that could ruin Christmas not just for your Earth, but ALL Earths! It seems our hero is up to his mask in merry menaces! So enjoy this tale from the AvengerVerse, which may or may not be canon!

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AVENGERVERSE ANNUAL #1
THE AVENGER SAVES CHRISTMAS!

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A sweet scent of gingerbread men baking in the oven mixed with evergreen-pine tree smells fill the air. The sound of crackling wood in the fireplace envelops the room. All this combines to create that oh so familiar Christmas ambience that accompanies any good Yuletide tale. A familiar face can be seen sitting in a wicker rocking chair in the middle of the room. It is a man who coincidentally has a very seasonal name but is in fact not a mythical Christmas creature, at least that we know of. It is of course Jack Frost, the bit part character that sometimes shows up in Avenger’s stories but is more commonly known for being one of GI’s lackeys. He sips from his mug of seasonal eggnog and taps his finger on a book. “Why hello there! Bet you weren’t expecting me!” Jack utters through his heavily intoxicated breath from his clearly adulterated eggnog. “Well, to tell you the truth, I’m here to tell you all a tale of how everyone’s favorite superhero, Avenger, helped save Christmas, though maybe not quite as effectively as Ernest did.” Jack takes another swig from this eggn….who are we kidding it is clearly just straight vodka. “Jacky likey.” Jack sets his mug to the side and raises his hands up to stroke his patchy poorly maintained beard that he appears to have rubbed caulk into to make it look white. He gleams across the room and smiles and then reaches down and grabs his copy of A Visit from St. Nicholas with part of the title scratched out to read “Avenger” instead of “St. Nicholas”. “Shall we begin?” he gleefully shouts. “‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.” Before Jack can even finish his first thought a sound can be heard from across the room of a chair shuffling back and forth and a man uttering what can only be described as muffled expletives. “I said not a creature was stirring!” Jack shouted. “MRMPH HRRMPH FFFUURRMH GRAAAAGGRMH!!” screamed the man who we can now see is GI bound and gagged to a folding lawn chair. “NOT EVEN A MOUSE OR AN UNGRATEFUL FRIEND WHO ISN’T APPRECIATING HIS CHRISTMAS GIFT! You know there are several kinky businessmen who would pay me lots of money to tie them up like I did you." “Mrmph….” GI grumbles as he shrugs his shoulders in a way that can only be read as he understands that he has to comply in order to get out of this situation or that he just acknowledges that being bound and gagged is one of his weird kinks so he should just enjoy it. Not sure which really and I don’t want to think about it anymore. "Hey pal! This is my story! Christmas and winter are my things!" What? How are you going to narrate a story that has you in it? "The same way I do everything!" Lots of alcohol and no idea what you are doing? "Exactly!" I’m sorry, isn’t The Avenger the one that normally interrupts me? "Not this time! Now you have to deal with secondary characters from stories that the handler’s brother wrote long before anyone reading this was around!" Fine. Whatever. Narrate. I’m going home to see my kids. “Now, where was I?” The handsome and very intelligent man said. “Ah yes, intellectual property theft. Ahem. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that ~~St. Nicholas~~ The Avenger soon would be there...”

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The Avenger blipped back into existence somewhere in the Carnage Arena and immediately slumped to the ground, holding his head in his hands. Just as The Avenger looks to have a moment of peace and quiet, in walks Sebastian Hawke, youngest member of Carnage’s hottest team around, The Entourage. “Uhm, you ok dude? OH!” Sebastian inhales sharply and closes the door as quietly as he can behind him, his voice taking on an overexaggerated hush, like the world’s biggest secret fell into his lap, “You’re that super hero guy aren’t you?!” Sebastian doesn’t wait for an answer as he looks as excited as a kid seeing that Christmas has come early and hops around excitedly. “This is AWESOME! I’ve always wanted to meet a superhero and I never thought I’d get the chance! Like… You only hear of them showing up when the world is in danger, or the occasional holiday epic that somehow involves saving Chris…” His eyes widen, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH SANTA?!” The Avenger hops up and puts his hands on his hips, before leaning in with a hand cleverly held up to keep anyone from seeing what he says. He whispers, “Can you keep a secret?” He shakes his head for a minute. “Actually, I don’t know, you run with a whole entourage of people. I don’t trust that Jeremy Piven guy.” Sebastian can barely believe his ears as he plops down on a nearby chair, oblivious to the remark about his stablemates, “Yeah, you can tell me anything. Scouts honor and what not!” Avenger nods. “Okay, you look like you have an honest face, citizen.” Then he suddenly panics, as if he were barely maintaining his composure. “SANTA IS GONE! We just got a beep on the device thingy, went to the North Pole, I didn’t even know this universe actually had a Santa and NOW HE’S GONE. Fat Me is up there cosplaying so the elves don’t panic...it’s CHAOS! Like, actual Chaos, not this show Chaos.” Seb’s eyes go saucer plate wide as he starts connecting the dots, “Santa… Is gone?” He sounds heartbroken but only for a moment before his expression changes to one of resolve, “What can I do to help?” Avenger stands still for a moment and thinks. “Well, I know who’s got him. And where he is. But I’m going to need a team to pull this off. It’s long past time I get what I want for Christmas…” He pulls off a superhero pose and raises his fist in the sky. “Citizen Hawke, round up a crew! We’re pulling off a SANTA HEIST.”

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“Of all of the hare-brained ideas,” Will Prydor muttered as he drove the family Jeep through Sparrows Point on this chilly Christmas Eve, “having Tori convince me to put Elyssa’s new giant dragon plushie on layaway until tonight has to be one of the craziest things I think I’ve ever agreed to, and I wrestled in OWF as a hardcore champion, for Fates’ sake.” Anything further in this vein was quickly cut off as a vehicle on the opposite side of I-695 lost control and hopped the median barrier, coming right for him. A quick yank of the wheel to the right put Will on the exit ramp off the Beltway, and he blindly drove for a few minutes to get his hammering heart to slow down and not come out of his chest. Apparently, his subconscious had done the driving for him, as when he finally took stock of his surroundings, he found himself parked outside the Carnage Arena, closed for the holidays. “That’s...odd,” he muttered as he looked at two people having a heated discussion. “Then again, this is a wrestling arena. Of course heated discussions are going to happen.” Then, he recognized the one in green, and a sinking feeling hit his stomach. “...great. I hope Tori can explain to Elyssa in the morning why her dragon never got here. This can only get stranger if he’s involved.” A long pause, then a heavy, reluctant sigh. “I guess someone needs to be the level-headed one in this group. Otherwise we’re just going to end up with NLW being brought back for some damn reason and I’m still getting screwed out of their world title. Once was enough, thank you.” With a final shake of his head, Prydor shut off the engine to the Jeep, and left the relative safety of the vehicle. He had no idea what he was about to get into. The Avenger cast his gaze in direction of the certified legend that was walking up to them, then turned back to Sebastian. “Wow, you work quickly. You didn’t even say anything!” And lo, trying to recall what wrestling superstars could help save us all. The Avenger and his new sidekick in training… "Wait a second, Seb’s cool and all but I think *sidekick* is a little far." Sebastian stared at the Avenger, wide-eyed. "Sidekick? And...wait, who are you talking to? But more importantly, do you really think I have what it takes to be a superhero sidekick?" "Jack Frost...he’s apparently the narrator this time." SHUT UP! "Okay, okay! Stop yelling!" Sebastian continued to stare, unsure what to make of the situation. "Well, maybe he just needs to chill."

"What in the? What was that? Also, could you just stop arguing with me? You're slowing down the narrative!" FINE. Anyway...there is one thought that crossed these two dingbats' combined intellect. One wrestler they knew would be in town. One lonely man who could blow off time with his family this year. And let’s just ignore that this entire time Will was walking from his car to Avenger and Sebastian. Just pretend he walked through a lot of snow, kay? Hang on, let me put on my gruff voice for this part. Hope you don't mind a little first-person in this mostly third-person perspective! ==== It's a shit night. I usually love the holidays. It's the one excuse for me to actually enjoy family time, but this year...No family. They're gone. The basement is full of wrapped presents. There is cider in the rack. There is a Christmas Dinner I didn't even buy the prep for… I'm gonna probably just order a pizza. This is it. The world's worst Christmas. What could possibly make my holidays even wor... "We wish you a Merry Christmas..." I'm gonna commit homicide for Christmas. I sigh. It's not their fault. They don't know. How could they. I open the door, I got some candy canes here I can give them and...Oh hell… Ugh, that voice hurts my throat! Anyway, in front of Trent Steel's stoop is The Avenger, Will Prydor, and Sebastian Hawke, wearing Santa hats, caroling...And Sebastian is beatboxing. Will looks annoyed. “Three,” he started. Will simply shrugged. “I told them this was a bad idea.” Sebastian stopped beat-boxing and lit up. “WOW! I finally get to meet Trent Steel! Even though we've...you know...seen each other backstage...kinda...well I saw you and hid cause…” “Two,” Trent added. Avenger leaned over to Will and whispered to him. “He looks mad. And not very Christmassy.” He then coughed and did another hero pose. “Citizen Steel! We require your assistance!” Will facepalmed and shook his head. “Trent, how drunk are you right now? I think our safety depends on it.” Sebastian ignored him and kept talking. “I mean I think we'll get along really well. This old dude here told us this was a bad idea, but I mean it's Christmas! The happiest time of the year! Time for joy! Time for celebration! Time to spend with the fa…” Trent gets red in the face. For a moment of tension and Trent calms himself, and smiles...a big smile. Avenger breathed a sigh of relief. “See? I told you guys, this was a good idea!” “Wait for it,” Will warned. Trent slams the door in their faces and snow lands on top of them from the awning over the door. “There it is!” Will exclaimed, as Trent could be predictable some of the time, no matter how crazy he likes to be. And thank god he can’t hear me because I tied up the only person to face him in this house and live. Avenger frowned and began to hammer at the door. “Come on,” he whined. “We need you to save Christmas!” Inside the house, the sound of a shotgun being loaded is clearly heard. Will stepped off to the side of the door, just in case. “Trent,” he yelled. “If you shoot me, Tori’s gonna whip your ass!” “If he shoots me, I’ll just be really sad,” Sebastian said, frowning to himself. “AND,” Avenger added. “Christmas will be ruined!” Sebastian picks his head up, “Because I just got hypothetically shot?” "Um...sure! Sure!" The noises on the other end stop. Avenger leaned against the door and kept talking. That was one thing about the Avenger: he rarely knows when to shut up. “Look. I know you've had a rough year. I know things are going well for you personally. I know you're usually the most angry person in the world for good reason, and BOY do you have a reason this year!” Still silence. “I dunno if saving Santa might help, but...we really need you and your particular brand of, you know, ‘handling things.’” “What’s that mean?” Sebastian asked. “Means he’s really mean and violent, kid.” Will replied, still keeping his distance from any potential buckshot. And what happened dear reader they say...Well Trent Steel broke character in a major way. Trent opens the door dressed all in a black colored Santa Suit, corpse paint on his face, gloves and combat boots, and on his back he's carrying a large black sack. Trent pulls out a black and white Santa hat. “Uh, Trent? I know I said you’re gonna need to be drunk and all but...wait. Tell me that’s not a sword wrapped in barbed wire sticking out of that sack.” Avenger looked at the sack, concerned. “Um, Trent...not to criticize your work,” he started. “But this is, at best, a PG-13 Christmas special. So blood-free violence and only one use of the F-bomb, okay?” Trent smirked. "Haven't you ever heard of off camera violence?" “I...I guess that’s okay.” He shook his head at the thoughts of what Trent might do, then composed himself. “I'm so glad you decided to help. I mean, it's better than using this guy.” Avenger then pulled a steel bar from behind his back, which just said ‘Trent’. Trent stared in confusion. “Really?” “This is you from the perfect universe!” Avenger replied, not realizing the insult he just gave. “If it helps, Trent, just smile, nod, and then proceed to do things in the manner to which you’re accustomed,” Will added in a weary voice. “Fates know that’s probably going to be the safest bet for everyone involved.” He didn’t bother to add just how...frightening...Trent Steel could be when he smiled. Some things were better left to be discovered on their own. Sebastian looks between the three of them, his voice quizzical as he scratches his head, “If this is PG-13, why is there gambling involved? I mean, I lived in Vegas of all places and know how much of a black hole gambling can be…” “Oh no, we’re not going to a black hole, but it definitely rhymes with that!” Avenger said, grinning. “But first, we’ve got to get one more person for this trip. And they’re back at the Carnage Arena.” Everyone groaned. “Hey, it wasn’t my choice to come get Trent next!” He pulled out a device, known to all you True Believers (™) as the Multiversal remote, but to the rest it looked like a mess of wires and metal. “Don’t worry,” Avenger said. “I’ll just pop over there with the thingy and get him, then we can get going to the Pole!” Will raised an eyebrow. “What is that...some sort of teleportation device?” Avenger fired back with the only semi-clever thing he’d say this entire story. “You believe we’re going to save Santa but you can’t buy that I’m gonna teleport?” Will found himself stunned momentarily. Avenger ran out of view while pressing buttons, and after a flash of light, he was gone. Sebastian turned to look at Will. “You believe we’re gonna save Santa?” “No, I don’t. I’m just trying to keep people from hurting their dumb asses here.” ==== Inside the Carnage Arena on Christmas Eve, Jonathan Willis is training by himself, running through some athletic drills, his recently-won Tag Team Championship perched on the top rope in a corner of the ring. His exercise of quick sprints comes to a dead halt as a figure materializes in front of him. Jon looks confused and startled, but when he notices The Avenger, he makes a quick “Oooooh” noise and nods his head. Without even a moment’s hesitation, Jon speaks. “What’s wrong and how can I help?” This Jon Willis stands in stark contrast to a certain other Jon Willis that The Avenger has already met. That man was pure evil. That man was dead inside. But this Jon is ready to spring into action to help his friends. “Hold on a second.” Avenger looks down at the MR, confirming that he is still on Earth #616. He breathes a sigh of relief and looks back at Jon. “Me and my friends, who I left in the harsh Pittsburgh weather, are going to save Santa! And Christmas!” Jon nods, almost completely unfazed by what he’s hearing, who he’s hearing it from, and how that person arrived here. If even half of the stories surrounding The Avenger are true, Jon knows that he wouldn’t be asking for help if it wasn’t serious. “Santa’s in trouble? Not on our watch. Let’s go!” Jon takes a determined step forward, stops, looks around confused, and speaks. “Uh… I’m not actually sure how any of this works. Do we just… think really hard about where we want to go? Like in the stories?” Avenger warily held out an arm, while he held the device in the other. Considering Will’s questioning of him earlier, he seemed very confused by Jon’s willingness to believe the situation. Perhaps he knew it was non-canon. Perhaps Jon just trusted people. Or maybe it was just convenient for the plot. “Just uh, grab my arm. And try to resist the urge for violence, please.” Jon shakes his head, chuckles, and grabs The Avenger’s arm. “One of these days you’re going to have to explain that joke to me.” Avenger stared off into space, reliving the apocalypse world on Earth #2012, and the evil Jon Willis he encountered on his daily multiversal taco run. “Right,” he mumbled. “Joke.” He pressed a couple of buttons on the device. “Let’s go!” After a flash of light, the two were sucked into the void, traveling at the speed of light back to the group Avenger had already assembled for his Santa Heist (™). ==== After a popping noise, the two landed right where the Avenger left, in a dirty alley right next to Trent Steel’s house. “That’ll show Citizen Prydor. Teleportation is real!” He looked over at Jon, whose eyes were open wide. Jon takes a deep long breath and sways on his feet lightly. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m… oh crap-” Jonathan moves over to a side corner of the alley next to some trash and proceeds to throw up pretty much everything that’s in his stomach. Avenger simply smirked, like a proud father might when his son is disgusted by the taste of beer for the first time. “Yeah, yeah, everyone remembers their first.” After several shuddering coughs, Jon clears his throat loudly and nods. “OK. Now I’m fine. What’s next?” “Now we go meet the gang!” Avenger strolled around the corner, where the trio of Sebastian Hawke, Will Prydor and Trent Steel stood bickering over their favorite Christmas movie. Well, Trent and Will were bickering. Sebastian seemed confused over what the two were talking about. “Look, Trent, I might not act like I have a sense of humor but ‘Scrooged’ is the best Christmas movie! Far better than that ‘A Christmas Story’ malarkey, that one can go die in a fire.” Trent raised his voice a little as he replied. "Excuse you, but Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a CLASSIC." Avenger walked up, with his head tilted to the side. Willis followed along, suddenly realizing he should have dressed better. “Guys, look! I found another face painted weirdo to join our team!” Trent glares at Jon for a moment. “You!” Jon looks at Trent quizzically. “Yes?” Everyone gets a little nervous that Trent is gonna go off on one of his curse filled rants or worse ultraviolence upon Jon. “...Thanks for the t-shirt back in that match I had with Tweeder.” “No sweat Dude. Do you know how many extra sales I got of that merch cause you wore that?” Avenger looked at the group he assembled and nodded. He walked and stood in a position so he could be seen by all, directly under a street light. He held his cape in his hand like a security blanket. “Lights, please?” As if on cue, the light went out, leaving him in a darker place than the people he was talking to. He frowned but kept going anyway. “And there were in the same location, wrestlers who had previously been minding their own business. And lo, a superhero assembled them, because the glory of Santa Claus has been stolen from Christmas and every great series demands a Christmas episode. And now I say unto you guys, fear not! For behold! I bring unto you a mission of great importance, which shall give Santa back to the people. For unto you this day is the knowledge that yes, Krampus exists. Not only does he exist, but he took over Santa’s workshop and replaced the elves with his own team. Ye shall find the larger version of me working to get as many things ready as he can, posing as Mr. Kringle. But I need a team to help me get inside, get to Krampus and Superhero Kick that freak so hard he gets coal for the rest of his life.” After explaining the situation to a bewildered group, he meekly dropped his cape and began to shuffle back toward them. “And that’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.” Will raised an eyebrow. “I have so many questions,” he said. “But why did you look at me when you said that last bit?” “Because you’re bald?” To his credit, Will managed to keep his reply to himself. Otherwise this PG-13 rating wouldn’t even last the first third of the issue. Avenger looked at him quizzically and then pulled out the device. “You’re all handling the Krampus thing better than I thought. So Jon is already familiar with how this thing works…” He thought he saw Willis looking a little nauseated at another trip, but continued. “I just press the buttons on the doohickey and then bam! Instant North Pole. But we all gotta....um..” Avenger then glanced at Will and Trent, neither of whom seemed to be the slightest bit amused. “Hold hands.” Sebastian eagerly holds his hands out for whomever to take, but his gaze still remains focused on The Avenger, “One question, who is The Krampus?” “Think Santa, but evil.” The Avenger said, nodding solemnly. Sebastian’s eyes grow wide, “‘EVIL’ Santa?! How could there even be such a concept?!” Jon chimes in momentarily and says “If multiverse theory is correct, and I’m guessing at this point it kinda is, then technically there’s at least one evil version of everybody out there somewhere. Definitely a sobering thought.” As Jon spoke, Avenger once again flashed back to Apocalypse World, and the sound of...well things that definitely were not PG-13 and not fit for a Christmas special. He shuddered. “I wish I could say I made it up, but it’s true. Instead of giving presents, he wants to take presents AWAY. At least I think it’s a he. It looks like a giant monster.” “Oh,” Sebastian looks behind him, almost expecting a monster to leap out at him, “You know we have one of those monsters in Carnage already right? Can’t we just, I don’t know, have this Krampy thing and the one we already have just have one big monster fight? Just think of how epic that would be!” “Sorry, our budget only permits five guest stars this year.” The Avenger looks around at everyone holding hands in a circle, then grabs Sebastian’s right before pressing a button, and with a flash, the entire group was taken into the void and all the way to…. ==== The North Pole! “...and I thought being friends with a werepanther was the strangest thing I’ve ever done.” Will’s voice was a bit shaky, but otherwise he didn’t seem to be in too terrible a shape for having every atom of his body move through space and time in the blink of an eye. Whether what he actually said was his way of coping with the impossible or something borne of facts, though, none could say. The Avenger seemed offended. “You knew a werepanther and you didn’t suggest them for this mission? Also, how’s everyone else holding up?” Sebastian plops down in the closest pile of snow and holds his head in his hands, “I’ll be fine… Also, don’t know if a panther, were or otherwise, would be best. Don’t know if you know this or not, but they aren’t fond of cold weather.” With that he curls into a ball and falls to his side in order to get his bearings back. Jon holds his stomach, takes several deep breaths, and is immeasurably grateful that he has nothing left in his stomach to throw up. Trent staggered forward, shocked. “WHAT THE…F” Avenger quickly held up a finger. “Remember, you only get one!” “...fine. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Sebastian rolls off of his snowbank and quickly stands, obviously feeling a little better, “IF you were paying attention, we teleported. What we felt just now are various side effects. Dude, pick up a comic every once in a while.” As Trent glares at him Sebastian’s confidence wavers as he shrinks back, “You know… If you have the time at some point in the near future… Uhm… Sir?” “...So are you referring to Nightcrawler’s teleportation, which had a mileage and carrying capacity limit, or are we talking more of a galactic scale thing like The Watcher, where it fits how ever many we can get and distance is unmeasurable cause it’s plot convenience?” Trent replies as he dusts some of the snow off of his black Santa suit. Everyone is staring at him. “What? I have three teenagers and you don’t think I don’t know about comic books? Do you know what kids always want to go see with their parents every summer or winter for the past decade or so? Superhero movies! Jesus Christ gatekeeping nerds…” With that Trent reaches into his sack and pulls out a bottle of homemade eggnog and starts chugging. Avenger stared down at the device and looked out into the distance, down a large hill, where some lights could be seen. He bopped it with his palm and it chirped at him. “We got thrown off-course,” he said. “The workshop is down there and we’re up here.” Trent suddenly reached into the large sack again and this time pulled out the Carnage wrestler’s best friend: the steel chair. He sets it down, then licks his finger to check the wind. Everyone else, our hero included, stared at him dumbfounded. That’s when Trent hopped on the chair as though it were a sled, and looked back at everyone else. “Later dudes!” With that, he pushed off and the chair flew down the hill like a rocket, actually melting the snow due to the heat it produced from going so fast. Or perhaps Trent also brought a flamethrower. Would anyone be surprised? And they heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight, “HOLIDAYYY ROOOOoooOooOOooOAAADDDD!” Sebastian’s head tilted to the side. “Is that a reference to something? I don’t get it.” Will shrugged. “Come on, everybody. At least he cleared us a path.” They all began to walk slowly down the hill, one by one, single-file, to, believe it or not, Santa’s Workshop. ==== Trent lands in a snowbank with his legs sticking out. He slowly pulls himself out as he is surrounded by tiny half goat creatures that look like satyrs wearing tops hats and scarves. "Who’s dis mook?" Trent gets up and brushes off the snow. "Hey! It's da Ni..." "No you idjit...Dis is not dat one...remember things are topsy turvy here..." "So does dat make dis one..." All the little satyrs look up scared as they hold up their spears. "THE NAUGHTY ONE!!" Trent looks down and smiles as he pulls out his sack. "Seasons Beatings!" Unfortunately we can’t even begin to tell you what is going on, but this is a family story. Trust me when I say there are sounds of cartoony violence. One of the satyrs cries “exit only” but, we’re going to assume it was something entirely appropriate. With all of the guys laid out, and Trent holding a bent hockey stick (where he got a hockey stick, who knows), The Avenger and his companions have finally come down, with Sebastian leading the way, eager to meet Santa. Surprisingly, Avenger is the one who seems winded. “So...I’ve gotta...spandex isn’t good for this temperature…” He bends over and puts his head between his legs, trying to catch his breath. His cape has already been removed and is tied around him like a makeshift blanket. Jon is shivering and holding himself, trying to keep warm by jogging in place. “Yeah, uh, you kinda got me as I was working out, so… no shirt, only some light shorts, really wanted to get a good sweat in y’know? And uh… I can’t really feel my face right now. We should probably head somewhere warm soon.” “And they say family vacations never prepare you for anything…” Trent reaches into his sack and tosses out black trench coats for everyone. “Why do you think I wear this thing to the ring? Besides the multiple pockets…” Avenger grabs his and does a very audible, excited, “OH!” He then looks around and decides to fill them in on the rest. “Okay,” he started. “I realize you guys probably have a lot of questions. ‘How is any of this real?’ ‘Why does the tense keep changing throughout the story as if multiple people are writing it?’ ‘Why did the ice pun counter only show up once?’ ‘Why was issue two of AvengerVerse so poorly received?’” “A crappy guest artist like Rob Liefeld?” Avenger stared at him for a moment, not sure of who Trent was referring to. Jon immediately groans. “Oh God, don’t get me started on Rob Liefeld. The muscles. The broken spines. The pouches! The pouches on pouches on pouches! They never did anything! They never held anything! None of it meant anything! I can’t. I just can’t.” “Anyway, yes. The Krampus is real. Or, something in there thinks it's the Krampus. I don’t really know what else to expect other than it won’t be alone, it’s had Santa locked in a closet this entire time and that’s why I needed more than just me to fight him. So you’ve all been drafted. You’re honorary superheroes for this issue only!” He looks around, as everyone put on their trench coats. “Any questions?” It seemed like half the people in attendance glanced at Will, expecting him to say something rational. Instead the big man shrugged, mind obviously working ahead on ways to tap out a should-be-fictional being. Would the ankle be best, or would the neck make for a more suitable way to tell the offender to never attempt this again? Ah, decisions, decisions. Sebastian’s head perks up as he raises his hand and hops up and down lightly until Avenger sighs and points to him. “Do we get a cool team name? Since we have matching trench coats from Trent, maybe we could be, I don’t know… ‘The Trent-Coats?!’” He looks around excitedly to see who got his joke. Unfortunately, everyone else had already started moving on. “Guys? Wait! I can do better! ‘Cool Dudes with Attitude!’” Jon gives Seb a reassuring pat on the back. “I like Trent-Coats. I think it’s clever. I also think I’m the one in the group with the least amount of clothing on and as such the one most likely to freeze to death, so I do suggest we get moving.” Pulling his coat over him, Sebastian takes a second to admire himself as he says under his breath, “Yeah… I do look cool in this, maybe I’m a ‘trent-coat’ guy…” With that, Sebastian chases after the other members of his team. The team found themselves standing outside the door of Santa’s Workshop, which was surprisingly not locked. Avenger grabbed the handle, looking back at the odd team he found himself with. He felt a little sad, as none of them were a version of him. He sighed. “Well, I don’t know what we’re about to find, so everyone get ready to fight.” Our hero opened the door and they all went inside. ==== The Workshop was in tatters. The toy production lines were broken. The Christmas lights were shattered. Parts of the shop were still burning, even if the flames had died down. In the back, there was darkness, but a figure could be seen moving around. A figure larger than any of them. Avenger gulped as he tried to take the lead. “Maybe if we’re quiet…” But he was quickly interrupted by a large, booming voice from the darkness. “WHO DARES DISTURB THE KRAMPUS!” “Ruh roh.” The lights in the back turned on and a large being stepped forward. It had hooves like a goat, stood nine feet tall and had massive horns from its head that were at least another two feet. It wore a Santa mask, but it was obvious there was something hideous underneath. Fire shot out of its mouth as it spoke. “ANSWER ME!” And what happened then? In the AvengerVerse they say, Avenger’s heroic courage shrank three sizes that day. And then, when it appeared the true meaning of Christmas was through, Avenger slank behind Trent and Will, plus two! Being in the front, Will turned to Trent. “So, shall we go Rogues on this guy for old times sake?” As Will spoke, a team of smaller Krampuses (Krampii?) stepped out from behind the larger one, each holding a large candy cane. They began to move forward to face the group. Avenger let out a ragged laugh. “HA! We’re...we’re not scared of that! Christmas is too important!” The larger Krampus roared and Avenger hid his face with his cape. “FOR CHRISTMAS AND SANTA!!!!! AAAAAAAIIIEIEEEEE!!!!” Sebastian leaps from where he is, brandishing his own candy cane sword and leaps forward, taking on the closest minion. In between defending blows from the mini-krampus, Sebastian huffs out, “Guys! I’m candy cane fighting against a mini evil Santa! And Trent was right! Pockets really DO come in handy!” A few feet away, Will made no flippant remarks, watching a pair of the...henchmen? HenchKrampii?... trying to flank him with their candy cane weapons while watching around his own pair of reappropriated weapons. Against most other people, this would absolutely be the right move. Against someone who trained in dual-wielding swords outside of the wrestling ring—someone precisely like Will Prydor—this was a stupid move. They found this out to their chagrin within fifteen seconds as they rushed him at the same time. Right weapon blocks high, left blocks middle, crouch and spin swipe at the knees. That’s all it took, and there was a satisfied smirk on Will’s face as their weapons came down blunt-end first, knocking out both foes with nary a drop of blood spilled. He allowed himself a second to mentally prepare, then charged off again—there were more nameless henchmen to wade through before this night was over. A pair of HenchKrampii dash towards Jonathan Willis, with evil intent and pure malice in their eyes. Thinking quickly, Jonathan dodges a leaping attack by leaping higher, bringing his legs in tight to his chest, and then launching himself forward with a huge dropkick, sending the first henchmen into the second, sending both sprawling. Thinking quickly, he grabs one of the henchmen by the ankles, swings him around, and starts beating the other henchmen with him. After hitting a henchmen with another henchmen, Jon pauses and nods. “I see why Zane enjoyed doing that.” Trent slams his sack into one of the other Krampi, and then puts it on the ground. He reaches inside and pulls out a bottle of festive cider...one hundred and fifty proof cider. He pulls out a grill lighter with his other hand. He takes a mouthful of cider into his mouth, then laying a middle finger aside of his nose, giving a nod...Spits out the liquor into the grill lighter...sending for a Holly Jolly FIREBALL TO THE FACE OF THE KRAMPI!!

The Avenger holds his hands to his face, horrified as the henchman falls over dead. "TRENT!" He yelled. "We said no murder!" Sebastian stops poking his freshly dead mini krampus, “But they started it!” Our hero looks down and what should appear, but a hole shooting sparks, revealing servos and gears. "These guys are robots!" Sebastian pushes his cane sword into the bot and leans on it, almost in complete exhaustion, “GOOD! I don’t know if my conscience could take killing any kind of Santa, evil or otherwise.” Suddenly The Avenger runs out a nearby hallway without saying a word. The larger Krampus, still breathing fire but now all alone, loomed over the remaining for. Will scoffed, "Some hero." Krampus roared and seemed to start to grow right in front of them, which didn't seem possible. “I trust him Will. Besides…” Trent reaches into his sack and pulls out a whip...made of barbed wire. “Violence is our department...Being a superhero is his! Hey Fuckface! I got your Wonderful Christmas Time Right Here!!” “And there’s the one you’re allowed, Trent,” Will muttered just loud enough for Trent to hear as he reached into the sack himself and pulled out a pair of kendo sticks. “There we go. This is more my speed than those unbalanced candy canes. All right.” Anything else he would have added got drowned out by a roar of defiance from The Krampus, as Will matched Trent step for step as they stared down the fiend. "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHITS! YOUR WEAPONS CANNOT HARM ME! I'M THE ALMIGHTY KRA…..KRA…" *bzzzzzzt* Suddenly, the Krampus went silent...and vanished. That's when the Avenger came back out of the hallway he previously disappeared down, with a huge grin on his face. "Did it work?" “If you mean ‘did the big thing disappear faster than my relevance in the wrestling world,’ then yeah.” Will sounded almost disappointed. “Should have guessed this was some Mega Man 2 shenanigans.” “Like the Bubble Man level” Trent says, oddly more dark and fearsome sounding than anything else he’s said. He stares off for a moment like he’s reliving something. “Friggin’ bubbles…” Meanwhile, Jon is poking through the wreckage of the HenchKrampii, making sure all of them are down and staying down. “It was always TMNT for me. The dam level. That fu… that freaking dam level.” Avenger tossed a plastic bag with many cylindrical objects in front of them. "When you guys murdered the robots, I thought the big one must be fake too, so I went looking for the power source. Would you believe this thing ran on D batteries?" “I believe it more than it running on C batteries, at least,” Will said. “Though that leaves the question: where’s the one behind this? Did you find where the power source led to?” Avenger scratched his head. "Yeah, but the door has like, ten locks. Must be where Santa normally keeps his list or something. I'd have smashed my way in with my super strength but... breaking and entering is a federal crime." “Wait, THE List?!” Sebastian lunges forward to look at the door barring him from seeing things that kids have only dreamed of, “If only this was like, I don’t know, some kind of magical door. Yeah! Like, maybe all we have to do is believe and ask it nicely to open?” Sebastian turns to the door, “Dearest door, would you let our humble group pass?” Standing back, Sebastian crosses his fingers and prays that he didn’t just make himself look incredibly silly while wearing a trench coat that was quickly becoming one of his favorite fashion accessories. "Listen," Avenger said. “I've seen a lot of things. I once outran a dinosaur with platinum blonde hair. But not even I think…." Suddenly, locks on the door began to click one by one, as the innocence of the youngest of the group opened the door with pure Christmas spirit. Avenger's jaw dropped. "Holy spirit, it worked!" “Holy spirit?” Trent says looking at Will and Jon. "Superheroes don't curse, Citizen." Jon shrugs nonchalantly, while wearing a trenchcoat after having been teleported to the North Pole to fight Evil Santa. This isn’t the strangest thing he’s been involved with tonight. “Plus that pesky non-existent rating…” Will added. “You know what you smug bastard you can take your rating and shove it up your…” Avenger pushed open the door and they all went inside. Snow globes lay broken everywhere. Santa was tied up and gagged in the corner. A list could be seen, as could the figure hastily shoving it into a bag. "Wait…" Avenger started. "Is that…?" Adrienne Levi turned and smiled at the group. However, to a keen observer that smile did not meet her eyes. Ones normally that were soft and welcoming were instead enveloped by bitter resolve. “...The rookie is the bad guy?” Trent says, cocking an eyebrow at this madness. “I mean I’m all for swerves but damn, did not expect this.” “You know what this means, Trent,” Will responded to his one-time tag partner. “People can hurt. They can tap. They can submit. And that’s a far better deterrent than just knocking them out.” "Plus," Avenger said, glancing down at the flashing MR. "This isn't our Ade. She's from Earth #161. I haven't been there yet but...it has to be the evil one if somebody from there KIDNAPPED SANTA CLAUS!" Sebastian’s jaw drops as he points first at the list, then to Adrienne, and then back to the list. “But… Didn’t you catch Ax and my list reading from UC? You’re supposed to be on the nice list!” He gestures wildly around himself and the group, “THIS isn’t nice!” And then he points to the list in Adrienne’s hands, his voice high with confusion, “THAT ISN’T NICE!” Jon looks at Adrienne sympathetically and says “Ade, we can talk about this. Whatever happened, it doesn’t have to go down like this. It doesn’t have to be this way.” Adrienne tucks the bag under her arm. Measuring up this motley crew, Adrienne’s gaze narrows. “Okay. I know this guy.” She points at the super hero, how mouths 'how?' silently. “I think? But who the heck are all of you?” Before any of them could answer, Adrienne waves them off dismissively. With calculating steps, she joins Santa, putting a hand on his shoulder. He struggles at her touch. “Kidnap is a really harsh word. I was just … delaying him.” “He’s bound and gagged!” Avenger shouted. “This is a normal Christmas special, not the Ultimate Warrior’s Christmas Special!” Trent snorts at the mere mention of that comic. Not a laughter snort, but an insane snort like he’s about to ramble. Jon shivers and shudders, mouthing a single word, a word of such pure distilled insanity that he’s hesitant to even speak it into existence, for fear of drawing forth its immeasurable, unholy power. “Destrucity…” She shook her head and said. “I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about. I just needed some peace and quiet. The only thing special about this Christmas is that it has been … canceled. Because there’s nobody nice on my list. And they’re all about to find out.” “That’s IT!” Sebastian shouts as he pulls his cell phone out from his pocket, “Wait until I tell Axton about all this! You’re going to be on the naughty list for sure!” “Priorities, Seb!” Avenger scolded him. “She’s about to take off with Santa’s list!” His eyes narrowed at the evil Ade. “But WHY are you trying to ruin Christmas?” “I could launch into a long tale. Maybe I have a tragic backstory that led to this moment. You never know.” She shrugs. “But the reality is this - I’m doing it cuz I just wanted to have a little fun. And there’s nothing you jolly Saint Pricks can do about it!” In a flash, she charges towards them, most likely to escape. “Oh holly jolly fudge no you didn’t!” Sebastian could barely believe his ears as Ade charged for the group. Seb is quick and takes a quick step, grabbing Adrienne by the shoulders and using her momentum to spin her around and throw her back in the opposite direction. She charges at him and he takes a quick step back before hitting the 10000 Volt Thunderbolt superkick right underneath Adrienne’s chin! The sack with The List in it flies out of Adrienne’s hand as she falls backward, landing right at the feet of The Avenger, “How was that for a ‘super’ kick?!” Avenger smiles and places a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder. “Seb, I’d say that qualifies as a SUPERHERO kick.” A muffled noise is heard in the corner and suddenly everyone realizes that Santa is still tied up. Avenger scoops up the list and races over to the corner, yanking off the ropes and pulling the duct tape off his mouth, accidentally ripping some of his white beard with it. He cringes as Santa groans in pain. “S...Sorry, Mr. Claus.” “Ho Ho...holy cow that hurt.” At the sound of Santa’s voice, Sebastian drops to his knees and bows his head to the ground, “Oh sweet merciful Christmas spirits I am TOTALLY not worthy!” Santa gets to his feet and stands up, adjusting his clothes and dusting off the dirt. He places a finger to his nose and winks at Sebastian. “Stand up, my boy. I’m Father Christmas, not God.” Sebastian stands up but averts eye contact, save for a few fearful glances. Barely heard behind him, Will scoffs. Avenger shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, I think meeting God would be jumping the shark just a bit.” He picks up the list and hands it over to Santa, who inspects it for damages. “Are you okay, Santa?” Santa laughed and his belly began to shake. One might say like a bowl for a jelly, if one didn’t care about getting sued for copyright infringement. “Of course I am, young man! Christmas magic is MY superpower!” As if to prove this, he waved his hands around and suddenly, almost unbelievably, everything in the room began to repair itself. The snowglobes unshattered and returned to their spots on the shelves. The Christmas lights began to shine brightly again. The list returned to a neatly-folded spot right on his desk. And even the scuffs to his shirt and the bruises on his face completely vanished. Not only that, the Adrienne Levi that lay unconscious on the floor vanished. “Hmmm. Neat trick,” Will muttered quietly to himself. He seemed rather nonplussed at meeting the physical embodiment of Christmas. Maybe he had taken several too many blows to the head over the years. Maybe his personal beliefs made this just another day in the life. Either way, he seemed rather collected as he surveyed the scene before him. Jon looks around, chuckles, and smiles. “We saved Christmas y’all. Not bad.” “He does exist!” Trent says surprised. Santa winks at him. “The Naughty One exists!” Santa chuckles as Trent can’t help but smile. “First time I’ve ever had to change someone’s name on Christmas Night in many years, but I think just this once we’ll let all the violence slide.” And though no one noticed, or at least didn’t say, for once Trent didn’t feel guilty or sad for one day. “Wait, Santa...what happened to the baddie?” Avenger asked. “Ho ho ho! I sent her back to her world! But don’t worry, she’ll be found neatly-wrapped inside a prison cell!” “Man,” Avenger remarked, laughing in spite of himself. “Nothing gets this guy down!” Santa looked at the group and held out a hand. Trent’s sack floated through the air and landed in his own, suddenly transforming into the red sack he was known for. “And now,” he said, reaching inside, “it’s time for you all to go home. No more weapons. No more violence. But as a thank you, you will ALL have a special gift to take back with you.” Santa then pulled his hand out and blew a cloud of dust on the group, and they vanished as well. ==== Sebastian didn’t really have much planned for the oncoming Christmas holiday, but as he awoke he couldn’t help but smile and plug the small Christmas tree Ax helped him find in. As he turns to make himself his traditional breakfast of a forever nutritious bowl of cereal, something catches his eye. Going over to the end table next to his futon, Sebastian picks up a brightly wrapped box. To Sebastian, From Santa Sebastian’s eyes widen as he reads the tag to himself over and over, barely believing it. With measured restraint, Sebastian unwraps the box and pulls out an ornate snow globe. On the bottom engraved on a sparkly platinum plack, the words, “Hawke Family.” As Sebastian lets his eyes travel to the contents of the globe swirling with magical dust, he almost drops the globe after getting so shaky. Setting it down gently on the table, Seb sits on the futon and watches a miniature version of himself surrounded by the friends he has made so far in Carnage; Axton, Dom, Isla, Jon, and Silvio playing in the swirling snow. ==== It was still dark out when Will came to, Tori nestled up against his right side. He knew he was supposed to go to Sparrows Point last night, but the last thing he remembered was swerving to avoid a vehicle that had come over the median and nearly hit him. Glancing over at the clock, he saw that it was 5:30, and knew that if Elyssa was anything like he was as a child, she’d be up soon to get her parents up. He steeled himself to endure the disappointment that Elyssa wouldn’t get the plush dragon she wanted, knowing it was still waiting in Sparrows Point for him to pick up. So to see said dragon sitting next to their brightly lit tree was the first shock. The additional presents, labeled for his two kids “from Santa,” was the second one. He knew Tori wouldn’t have gotten them, and he knew for certain he hadn’t. So where did they come from? The third, and final shock, came as he looked over at their coffee table. There, sitting in the center of the table, was a medium-sized snow globe. As he looked, he sat down heavily on the couch behind it, startling both his cats from their slumber. Inside the globe was a replica of his home, and standing in front of the home were a handful of figures. Will stood in the center, holding Will II in his arms. Tori stood to his right, Elyssa holding her hand, his cats sitting in front of him. To Will’s left...Will had to blink once or twice to clear the tears from his eyes to make sure he was seeing this properly. To Will’s left, looking the very same as she did the last time he saw her, was his late fiancée, Elyssa Anderson. Beside her were two people he’d never seen, but knew instinctively who they were. Amy Lynn and Will Junior...the two unborn children who died with Elyssa on that day so many years ago. The family he should have had, and the family sleeping only rooms away. Lost in thought, he let his gaze focus inside the globe, and let his mind go where it wanted. There was something larger clearly at work here; who was he to deny the evidence in front of his very eyes? ==== Okay, gruff voice again. You can do this, Jack. "...Santa?"

I say as I awoke, feeling really hungover...but I don't remember drinking for once.

"Come on kids...let's open those presents we gotta get ready to take the jet to your mom's..." But there are no children. No Jamie. No Amy. No Ryan. Not even Jennifer. Parents, friends, family...they're all gone. For a moment I was happy. For a moment I didn't realize they were gone. I get up. Groggy as hell, heading towards the bar. When I notice it. A little golden letter on the bar. I sigh as I open it up. Trent, I forgive you...It's not your fault. It's never been your fault. You think you are a horrible person, but you're not. Everything that has happened in your life is not determined by how it happened to you, but how you reacted. You need to let go. You need to look past all the pain, the hurt, and the madness. I forgive you Sincerely, Yourself. This is stupid. This is dumb. Then why am I crying? Did I write this to myself last night and I don't remember it. Damn. Well...Maybe it's time to start turning things around. And I think I know just where to start. That's when I hear a knock at the door.

"We wish you a Merry Christmas!"

Carolers...wait...I know that voice. I rush to the door and open it up. "Well...this is a pleasant surprise." Who is at that door? I can’t say. Because that is a story for another day. Also, I need a Luden's.

====

Jon awoke Christmas day not to the sound of his alarm clock, but to the sound of barking. Small, squeaky, puppy dog barking. As soon as Jon opens his eyes, the most adorable dog he’s ever seen in his life leaps onto his bed, jumps onto his chest, and licks his face.

The puppy looks to be some sort of fox-face pomeranian with enormous papillon ears, heart-melting chocolate brown eyes, and fawn-coloured fur like a baby deer. She's no bigger than a housecat; maybe six or seven pounds. Her long and curly tail is peppered with black and white fluff, matching her white paws that end in coffee-tone pads. Her little black nose twitches continuously with youthful curiosity, her pink tongue stuck out in an excited smile; around her neck is a galaxy-patterned collar with an engraved silver tag bearing the name "Nebula".

Jon smiles, laughs, and ruffles her fur. She barks excitedly and pushes into the small of his neck. He gently begins petting her fur, and he reads the back of her nametag, which reads simply “From: Santa, To: Jon, For: Axton”.

Jon laughs again, gets out of bed, and begins getting dressed.

“Merry Christmas, Nebbie. Let’s go meet your new dad.”

====

And so it went that everyone had a good Christmas that year. The magic of Santa went throughout the land, filling everyone with cheer and warm feelings. Even in a year such as 2020, filled with drama, diseases and disaster, there was still time for people to have fun, be merry and love one another.

A man woke up to a grinning daughter handing him the gift she got him, unaware that she was a much greater gift.

A woman woke up next to her fiance, as they prepared to face another year together.

A champion in UGWC woke up and treated himself to an all-you-can-eat shabu-shabu meal.

Meanwhile, around the world, everyone suddenly had a good thought about Johnny Bonecrusher, unaware of why or how it happened, but smiled when thinking about him. Not that some of them would ever admit it.

As for the Avenger, he woke up in the cheap motel room he had been sharing with his larger companion. As they often traded spots to sleep, this time he had the bed. He rubbed his eyes through his mask and suddenly smiled.

For unlike everyone else, The Avenger could still remember what happened, and he knew that he saved Christmas.

The Multiversal Remote sat on the end table, next to the alarm clock. It was flashing, and for a second Avenger thought he saw shades of red and green. A small note sat next to it.

Avenger,

Thank you again for saving me this year. Your faith in your fellow man has been rewarded with the one thing you’ve wanted most. Look at the location I marked on your wonderful little device.

Sincerely yours,

Santa.

Avenger set the note down and grabbed the MR...before getting excited. So excited that he leaped out of bed and nearly landed on the version of him from Earth #536.

“Hey!” he shouted, shaking him. “Wake up!”

The other Avenger groaned as he rolled over on the cot they had recently purchased. It sounded like a question, but it was so quickly followed by a yawn it was indecipherable.

“It’s Sam! I KNOW WHERE SAM IS!”

====

“See wasn’t that a delightful story?”

“I have to admit, Jack, that was indeed a wonderful tale. You really put a nice spin on it!” GI says gleefully as he now has removed the last of his restraints. GI slowly walks towards Jack who has become a bit antsy in his chair. “Though, I do have to say that Ernest really did it with more gusto, know what I mean?”

Jack and GI both share a hearty chuckle as GI tightly grips the top of Jack’s shoulder and heaves him out of the chair and begins to drag him towards the door of the cabin. Jack glances back towards GI, “This is going to hurt isn’t it?”

“Very much so, yes.” GI says with a smile and a twinkle in his eye.

And with that concludes our story. I’ve only got a few more weeks in this cast but it was all worth it in the end.The Avenger managed to save not only Santa Claus but Christmas itself! Thanks to the Avenger I can say this….Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

====

CREDITS (In order of writer appearance):

Avenger/Krampus Illusion/Avenger #536/AvengerVerse Narrator - Joe
Jack Frost/GI/Billy Bob - Steven
Sebastian Hawke - Mia
Will Prydor - Duane
Trent Steel/Satyrs - Jay
Jonathan Willis - Oliver
Evil!Ade - Elijah
Santa Claus - Himself

No mythical creatures were harmed in the making of this RP.

Special thank you to everyone who showed up and made this an absolutely amazing piece. You all made this a blast to write and it was so much fun. 

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Etc, etc! <3