AvengerVerse, Volume 2, Issue 8: Return of the Mack

LAST TIME IN THE AVENGERVERSE:

Our hero had a crisis of confidence, and in his lowest moment, received a pep talk from a friend that helped his spirts. Then he became the Baltimore City Champion!

"And then I became the Baltimore City Champion!" The Avenger repeated, clearly ignoring me. "I'm not ignoring you," he added. "I'm just repeating it for emphasis! The Avenger is a champion! Carnage at least has to take me as seriously as they took Yoona Kodeen now!"

Yes, you're champion. You haven't shut up about it for the past week and a half.

"Well excuse me, Mr. I-can-control-reality-apparently-narrator!" The Avenger shot back. He had no idea that I actually couldn't control reality. "Then why did my last adventure have a suspiciously similar theme song?"

He waited for an answer, but none came.

"Ugh, can we just get to the next story already?" Avenger whined. "And stop mocking me with your narration!"

AVENGERVERSE: Volume 2, Issue 8

RETURN OF THE MACK

The portal opened and the AvengerCycle raced through, before coming to a skidding stop in the parking lot of the Motel 6 in Baltimore, closest to the Carnage Arena. Avenger hopped off and removed his helmet (safety first, kids) before looking around and seeing that the room he had been staying in was in flames. Luckily it hadn't spread yet, mostly due to the larger Avenger spraying the flames with a fire extinguisher, and the motel's manager trying to help.

"Our headquarters!" The Avenger cried out, before he ran over and joined the two, immediately picking up a bottle of water, all he can find, and shaking it out against the flames. Luckily, it was just a motel and no one was seriously hurt. "I was sleeping there!" Avenger said, taking off his cape now and beating at the flames with it. 536 then said, with some concern: "Sam is still in there!"

A flash of terror crossed Avenger's face as he began to frantically look around him, looking for something to smother the flames. Since they're in a motel parking lot and the fire extinguisher is missing, he resolves to do something drastic. "That's it. I'm going in there to get him," Avenger said solemnly. 536 handed off the extinguisher to the manager and turned to his friend, putting his hands on his shoulders. "You can't do that!" Avenger shook his head. "Don't start with that, 'Vengy can't do stuff' thing right now! It doesn't matter if I can't! I got to!" 536 shook his head. "I didn't say that because I didn't think you couldn't do it! I just don't want you to get hurt either! We're friends, man!"

Before our hero could reply, suddenly another portal opened in the parking lot and out jumped The Evil Avenger, holding a gas can. Several masked individuals came out with him and held their right hands up, indicating that like this evil, foul-mouthed Avenger, they were part of The Right Hand. Somehow, the manager was nonplussed by the portals opening on his property. He had seen some things. He had had some wild experiences in his life. But that's a story for another day. "Aw $4^&!," Evil Avenger blurted out. "The good guys are here. We were gonna finish the f$@%ing job!"

Avenger turned around and had a steely resolve. He glared at his evil counterpart, and it seemed as though the time for jokes were over. This was beginning to look like a real superhero story. A real comic book. Avenger tied his cape back on and prepared himself to pounce. "It is a f$@%ing real comic book," he said, taking full advantage of the fact this series is censored. We protect the children. He ran forward, when suddenly he heard a voice behind him. "On your left, Vengy!" He kept running, but had time to ask, "What?" He then promptly clipped a light pole and fell over. The voice, which was coming from inside the burning motel room, repeated: "I said it was on your left." Then, suddenly, the door of the room was kicked off its hinges and Sam MF'in Action burst out. And with him, came a song. A song that may be about a guy who had his heart broken, but is still cool enough that it fits such an awesome dude as Sam Action coming out to kick some butt.

Well, I tried to tell you so (yes, I did)

But I guess you didn't know

As the saddest story goes Baby, now I got the flow

Sam Action came strolling out of the hotel room, his goggles over his face and fully recovered from the mind-altering incident he had several issues ago. Our hero, sitting on his backside observed the situation, with "Return of the Mack" playing in the background (likely from someone's phone, but who could be sure?). He said the exact same thing he did when he first met Sam several years ago.

"Man that guy is one bad mother..." "YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Evil Avenger said, cutting him off. He points at Sam Action and all of the masked henchmen jerked their heads in his direction. "Get that f#%#er!"

From there, the music picked up again as members of The Right Hand ran at Sam Action, and he began to pick them off one by one.

Cause what you did you know was wrong

And all the nasty things you've done (oh oh oh)

So baby listen carefully

While I sing my comeback song

There were only about four or five henchmen, which became four as Avenger got up and superhero kicked one of them straight in the face! Then three as 536 grabbed the fire extinguisher and sprayed him down. That left three for Sam. One went for a punch but Sam grabbed it and judo flipped him off to the side, where he landed hard on his hip. The next tried a kick but Sam jumped up in the air to avoid it and nailed a superhero punch. Then the third ran forward, arms flailing, and Sam grabbed his hands together and slammed them into him, breaking out a Justice Smash! "So cool!" Avenger squealed, excited at seeing his best friend eliminate all of the bad guys. Well, all of the bad guys except for one. Avenger turned and faced his evil doppelganger and frowned. "But Sam," he warned. "He can hear the narrator!" Sam, who never could hear your friendly narrator and just saw this as Avenger being random again, pulled his phone out of his pocket. As it turned out, he had been playing the song after all. And he turned it up full volume. All Avenger heard was the words of Mark Morrison breaking into the chorus, which is all he needed to start after the Evil Vengy.

Return of the Mack (there it is)

Evil Avenger tried for a SuperVillain kick, but our Vengy was able to avoid it by rolling forward.

Return of the Mack (come on)

The evil version of Avenger then got up and grabbed our Avenger around the throat, attempting a chokeslam. Vengy swatted his hand away and then avoided another punch.

Return of the Mack (oh my God)

"What is this annoying song?" Evil Avenger shouted, hoping he could hear an answer from the Narrator over the loud music. "What is a Mack? Why is he returning?"

You know that I'll be back (here I am)

Vengy smiled. "It's a one hit wonder! Which is all I'm gonna need to defeat you, Evil Me!"

Return of the Mack (once again)

Evil Avenger ran at Vengy again, just trying anything now, and Avenger side-stepped, grabbed his cape and held on as the evil version fell down and landed on his backside.

Return of the Mack (top of the world)

Evil Avenger shook his fists in frustration. "I KNOW THE NARRATOR IS NARRATING BUT THIS $(#ING SONG IS DROWNING IT OUT!"

Return of the Mack (watch my flow)

Evil Avenger scrambled up to his feet and quickly pressed a button on his Multiversal Remote, opening a portal behind him. Avenger stepped forward, encouraged by his friend.

You know that I'll be back (here I go)

"That's right..." he said, before unleashing a superhero kick and knocking the evil him back through the portal, which closed up behind him! The song faded out and Avenger, suddenly full of confidence as he was when he won the Baltimore City Championship, stared down at his hands and then actually jumped up in the air, clicking his heels together. "Thor's hammer! Did I do that?" Sam Action smiled, proud of his friend and putting a hand on his shoulder. "You sure did, my man. You sure did." ==== Later, 536, being the smartest of the three, was talking over the situation with the manager and some local police as the hotel behind them smoldered. Avenger and Sam sat next to each other on the walkway just outside. Our hero was still giddy. "Man, that was so cool! First you were like, 'On your left'..." he said, making sure to take a lower octave when imitating his friend's voice. "And then the song played and you just started kicking butt!" He then held a gloved hand over his mouth. "Whoops, sorry for the harsh word, buddy!" Sam laughed. "Vengy, I don't know if you saw, but you did some stuff too. It was pretty sweet." Avenger chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "You helped with the music." "Nah, I just took away an unfair advantage...or something," Sam replied, still not sure of why he turned up the music but knowing that he did it to help Vengy stop evil. They sat there in silence for a moment. Avenger was unsure of what to say next and lowered his head, playing with his cape. The truth was, he felt awkward. He had a great deal of admiration for Sam, and one might say that he loved him. One might say that, because they had been reading AvengerVerse for some time. Avenger muttered under his breath, "I don't know what you mean, narrator." "Huh?" "Oh, nothing." Sam then thought for a moment, and spoke up himself. "So," he started. "The big man over there said you almost jumped through the fire to save me?" Avenger lifted his head. "Aw man, he did?" "Yeah, he did." Vengy, feeling a little embarrassed, shrugged his shoulders again. "Well, I had to do something. I didn't want to lose you." The Avenger's choice of words struck a chord with Sam. Sam wasn't stupid. In fact, he was almost as intelligent as 536, but he was also relatively quiet and kept his thoughts to himself. But even he noticed how the Avenger acted around him. He followed him around like a puppy, he thought everything he did was great. He tended to worship the ground he walked on. It almost seemed like... "Hey, Vengy...do you...have feelings for me?" He asked. Avenger turned to him and tilted his head. "What do you mean?" Sam tried to think of a way to say it delicately. He didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, after all. Talk of any kind of emotion, let alone possible romantic feelings, were something that needed to be handled with the utmost care. "What I mean is," he said. "Do you like, want to date me? Or be a couple? Like, are you into me?" Avenger continued to stare at him, dumbfounded. On some level, he understood the question. He wasn't stupid either. But at the same time, it seemed very alien to him. Sam, quickly realizing that he may have given off the wrong impression, threw his hands up. "I wouldn't have a problem if you did! I just wanted to know." Vengy scratched his chin, thinking. Then he shook his head. "Not really," he said. "Really?" "I mean, I don't really think of anyone like that. At all. Never did." He confirmed. The topic was slightly uncomfortable, but he trusted Sam. "No kidding?" Sam asked. "But you act all funny around me, like you got a crush." Sam then laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Man, that makes me sound kinda stuck up." 536 then walked by, heading into the room to grab something. "No, I thought so too," he said, before leaving them alone. Avenger chuckled. "Well, you are my best friend. And I don't really, you know, have many social skills. But more than that..." He thought back to the first time he met Sam. He leaped out of a building, his own theme song playing, as he rescued a cat on a parallel Earth. "When I first saw you, I saw everything a hero should be. And, I had been trying really hard to be a hero, and I saw you do it so well, so I guess I like...wanted to be you, you know? Be as good as you. Be the Sam Action of Earth #616." Sam nodded, before patting Avenger's back again. "I get it. I did make a really good first impression." "Yeah..." Avenger agreed. Sam then got up, and offered Vengy a hand. He helped him to his feet and then looked him in the eye. "That's the thing, Vengy my man," he continued. "You don't need to be the next Sam of anything. People like you for being the Avenger." Sam then stuck his arms out. "Now give me a damn hug, you weirdo." Avenger practically jumped in Sam's arms, as he had no problem hugging. It was one of his favorite things to do. 536 came out and saw the two hugging, and feeling momentarily awkward, cleared his throat rather loudly. "We got a problem, guys." he said, before showing them the Multiversal Remote, which seemed damaged by the fire. "I can fix it, but...this is gonna severely hurt our travel for a while." Avenger frowned again. "Man..." Sam said. "No place to crash, no multiversal adventures...this ending kind of sucks." The three began to walk away from their former headquarters, ready to look for a new place to stay. It was Avenger who broke the silence. "At least we still got our hands!" The other two looked at him, confused. "Empire Strikes Back? Star Wars?" Neither one said anything, but then Sam asked what they were both thinking. "What's a Star War?" "OH COME ON!" ==== Avenger was back on the roof for his latest required promo, sitting at a cheap plastic table with his unseen cameraman. He originally came up here to wallow in his sorrows, but after winning the Baltimore title, he now saw the location as something of a good luck charm. "And a great place to put the Avenger-Signal!" He stared down at the table, where there were cards stacked. He held a few in his hand. He thought really hard, not sure which one to lay down on the table first. These cards had meaning. And he knew that if the wrong one were placed down, he might lose. He stared at the cards, shut his eyes, and asked a very important question. "Do you have any twos?" The camera shook from side to side, indicating no. More than that, it indicated Go Fish. "Darn it." Avenger reached over to the deck and picked a card. "So citizens, it seems that I have accepted the challenge to end all challenges! The Ultimate Challenge! That's not to take anything away from Citizen Strife, because I had to break out a move so devastating it retcons entire universes. But Citizen Leon is a different matter! This guy went without losing until he met his Cat-sized Kryptonite! She's tiny, especially her head according to Twitter, but she is our new Carnage Champion!" He then set his cards face down, briefly staring at the camera's operator, before picking up his recently won prize. "Just like I, your friendly neighborhood Avenger, am the CHAMPION OF BALTIMORE!" He held the belt aloft, proud of the achievement he had been chasing for years. A voice muttered behind the camera and he set the belt down. He looked over his cards. "Go Fish." He looked back at his audience and continued. "Anyway, you might be thinking, 'But Vengy, why you sweatin' Silvio Leon? You're undefeated this year and he's not!' But that doesn't matter, Citizens! For your superhero never, ever underestimates his opponents! And there's a very good chance I go out there Monday night and lose. Let's face it, streaks have to end at some point and Silvio is really, really good!" He glanced at his deck again. "Any threes?" he asked. The camera shook again and so Avenger grabbed another card. "And not just a good wrestler, but Silvio is a good person! Everybody likes him. Even that grumpy Ken Davison likes him, and he thinks so highly of himself he'd never have to worry about Gozer the Gozerian telling him to die!" Another question, and the Avenger grumbled. He handed over a five, and a pair was placed down. "That was why when he challenged me, I accepted! But let's face it, Silvio, you and I both know why you made the challenge. I'm The Avenger. I may be a superhero, I may be undefeated in 2021 and I may be the Baltimore City Champion, but I'm not unbeatable. And you, Citizen Leon, need a win! Any fours?" The camera shook again. "Do you any cards at all, or are you trying to cheat?" A voice mumbled something and Avenger sighed, before grabbing another card from the deck. "See, I'm not insulting you. Just last show, I would have agreed with you. Most people probably still would. Avenger was seen as an easy win. And maybe I still am! Maybe I'll go out there and try Infinite Crisis, only for you to Superboy Prime me and punch a hole in my reality! I'm pretty sure I screwed up that metaphor, but you get the idea!" He set his cards down again, effectively pausing the game so he could continue to make his point. "Because I've learned something. I may not have a lot of confidence in myself, and there may be people here that think this is an easy win for you. You do too, and that's okay. I haven't proven myself as an unbeatable foe in the same way that you have, and whether you want it to be or not, your opinion is colored. And that's okay too. Because citizen, I'll let you in on a secret." He leaned forward as if the camera would somehow block out his message for anyone but the former Carnage Wrestling World Champion. "I didn't think I was going to win when I accepted. That doesn't mean I don't want to win. I'd like to superhero kick your face and pin you 1-2-3! No offense. So yeah, I want to beat you. I want to continue my streak with the biggest win of my career. And maybe I will. But that's not why I accepted." He shook his head and lifted his belt again. "I accepted because as a superhero and as the CHAMPION OF BALTIMORE and most definitely as the Heart of Carnage Wrestling, I have responsibilities! And I can never turn down a challenge. Even if it's one I think I'll lose, even if it's against the great Silvio Leon, maybe first of his name. Because being a hero doesn't mean you go into a fight expecting to win. Being a hero means you go into that fight anyway and fight your heart out, win or lose, and show that you have the heart and courage that goes with the job title." He nodded again, to emphasize his point. "That's what heroes do, Silvio. So good luck, Citizen! But don't expect an easy win, because I think I'll surprise you. The Mack, as a great philosopher once said, has returned!" The camera was then set down, and a pair of hands held up a deck of cards. Avenger held his up as well and asked, "Any Kings?" Then he grinned and accepted the card, setting down the pair of Kings on the table.