AvengerVerse: Volume 2, Issue 9: Doomed Patrol
LAST TIME IN THE AVENGERVERSE:
The Mack returned, or something along those lines. Using the catchiness of the 90s earworm by Mark Morrison, The Avenger negated his evil doppelganger’s ability to hear the narrator and sent him back to Universe #161. It came with a price, however, as they lost the place they had been staying in and the Multiversal Remote was damaged.
“Also I lost to the spooky guy,” Avenger chimed in.
Also he lost to the spooky guy. But it wasn’t all bad, was it?
“Hmm?” Avenger popped his head up, lost in thought. “Are you...trying to console me?”
Come on Vengy, you got Sam Action back at full strength. Plus you might have a new tag team partner!
“A sideki...um, partner, would be good. I think this Zach Van Owen guy could use a positive influence like #JUSTICE to remind him of his potential!”
And you are still the Baltimore City Champion.
“I am!” Vengy agreed. “And the Heart of Carnage Wrestling!”
The Avenger, wherever he was that he was able to hear your humble narrator, went back to his thinking. Avenger...what are you thinking about?
“Well,” he started. “I’m thinking that we could really use a GUEST STAR for this issue. Something to liven things up a bit! But things are kinda boring where I’m at.”
I’ve got you covered.
“Really?”
Narrators are omniscient! So for the first time, we take our tale away from Vengy and the gang and join our GUEST STAR, ZACH VAN OWEN. It seems our hero has called him for a meeting on top of the Carnage Wrestling Arena, where he and his group have set up a base camp until they can save up enough of Avenger’s paychecks to get a new headquarters.
Yes, the hero of Carnage is currently homeless.
“That’s a negative way to put it. Besides, Baltimore is my home! It doesn’t matter where I hang my cape.”
Right. Anyway, here’s your guest star...
AVENGERVERSE: Volume 2, Issue 9
DOOMED PATROL
A rental car driven by Zach with his father, Adam Vaughn, as passenger pulled up to the vacant lot of the Carnage Arena. There they parked and waited.
"Where are we meeting this freak?" Vaughn asked.
"The roof of the Carnage Arena."
Zach’s dad shook his head.
"He ain’t part of the plan Zach.”
"Neither was losing to Cas." Zach mumbled.
"No. No it wasn't. So what the hell happened?"
Seething, Zach simply shrugged.
"You tell me. I was primed to win, all fired up. I was hitting all the right buttons and racking up the points. I deserved to win. I had the win and then Boom! The win is gone."
"Fate had other plans," his father suggested, simply shrugging his shoulders.
"Well 'fate' got it wrong!"
"Alright well this loss is only a minor setback, so let's forget Avenger and get back to business. I thought you were over this heroic nonsense."
The Vigilante sighed and turned to look at his dad in disappointment.
"Wow. You totally got the wrong idea. I'm actually rolling my Intelligence score for once. If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally. What better to bring Carnage to heel then by corrupting one of its most stalwart Paragons…”
Adam Vaughn paused to consider the scheme. There was some merit in it, but he wasn’t entirely convinced.
“Yes. He could be a great asset. But don’t you forget what we’re doing and why. Don’t get distracted.”
“He will join us, or suffer.”
With that last ominous comment the father and son duo parted ways. Zach made his way to the rooftop of the arena for the fated encounter.
---
Up on the rooftop, our hero had no idea of the evil plot that was underway. He glanced around, then took out a pair of headphones (playing “Return of the Mack,” of course, as it’s been stuck in his head for two weeks) and called out to the narrator.
“Did you say something?”
No, I didn’t. Just narrating the story.
“Phew,” Avenger sighed, relieved. “I thought I heard ‘evil thot.’ I’m not ready for that kind of supervillain.”
Avenger turned off his tunes and walked back to the makeshift campsite he had prepared on the roof of the Carnage Arena. Did Doctor Winn know about this? Did the Board? Who knew? Who cared? Vengy was now the champion of Baltimore, so he figured he could live there until he was able to come up with the funds to rent a new motel room for months in advance.
Our hero knocked on the tent, which is harder to do than it sounds. It still got Sam’s attention, who unzipped the opening and poked his head out.
“Hey Sam!” Avenger said, beaming. “Where’s Fat Me?”
“Didn’t you hear him? He said he was going to find a Radio Shack to get the parts he needed.”
Avenger gulped. “Um….”
“What is it, Vengy?” Sam asked, his eyes narrowing.
Avenger tugged at his cape. “Radio Shack isn’t a thing here.”
Sam lowered his head and sighed.
“Well it’s not my fault it went bankrupt!” The Avenger protested. Avenger grabbed a can of beanie weenies and began to pry it open.
“No, no it’s not. But he’s gonna be mad either way.”
The two heard a metal door creak and Avenger, startled, tossed his can of beans and franks high in the air. He then followed it with his eyes as it sailed over the edge of the roof and fell down below.
“Geez,” he said. “I hope that didn’t hit anybody.”
From below, they heard a car alarm going off. Avenger shrugged his shoulders at Sam sheepishly. The narrator almost messed that line up, because alliteration is not one of his strong suits. Suddenly, the door swung open and out came the superhero’s soon-to-be sidekick, Zach Van Owen. I’m about to get tongue-twisted at this rate.
Avenger looked skyward, smirking.
“You can stop using S words at any time,” he said, clearly mocking me.
“And who are you talking to?” Zach Van Owen said as he shut the door behind him.
“The Narrator. Every great Hero has one." Vengy motioned to vacant space.
Wait? Vacant space?
That’s what I said.
Who are you?
I’m ZVO’s narrator. Like your guy said, every great hero has one. Although I wish mine could hear me. Maybe it’s because he isn’t really a hero anymore.
Listen. This is an AVENGERVERSE Comic Book. Two narrators are going to confuse the Citizens.
Right. Got it. I’ll keep quiet. Unappreciative disembodied voice jerk.
Avenger, who was staring up at the sky listening to the two narrators banter until the inferior one went away, looked back down to see Zach staring at him. In the background, even Sam Action was a little more weirded out than normal. He ducked back inside the tent.
“Um...long story,” Avenger mumbled, shrugging his shoulders.
“Riiiiight. You’re a few bits short of a Megadrive…”
Not for the first time Zach paused to reconsider his decision in teaming up with the Avenger, but that would mean admitting to his own dad that his nefarious plan failed. There were clearly some issues there…
“Could we focus on the match ahead of us. I know Incubus and Succubus. They aren’t to be taken lightly.”
“Well of course not! They’re both vampires!” Avenger said, remembering his past battle with them.
Cringing, Zach silently cast his mind back, wondering if he had ever been this insufferable when he had hailed himself as a hero back in the day. Luckily, Avenger didn’t hear that, as he was too busy remembering past battles.
“Well actually they fall under the Demon Monster Type. But that’s beside the point.” Zach replied. "If given the chance these two Goombas will get into your head, under your skin, and trust me, they won’t ever leave. And that’s not even mentioning Cassandra. If we’re talking evildoers, they are about as evil as they come. So stop playing around. This isn’t a Game."
Ironic coming from Zach. Vengy chuckled.
“Lighten up, sideki….partner!” Avenger said, hoping Van Owen would ignore the unintentional insult. “We have the power of #JUSTICE on our side! And possibly holy water, I’ll have to check my supplies.”
“...Whatever. You say justice, I say vengeance. You just need to know one thing. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to see these two sons of b!%(#&s fall.”
Avenger held both gloved hands to his mouth and gasped.
“You really have fallen on hard times. SUPERHEROES DON’T SWEAR!”
Van Owen pointedly ignored him.
“I’ve been waiting for some time to get my hands on these two again. After everything they’ve put me through. Maybe this is my consolation prize after wrongfully losing against Casanova. A way to right some wrongs. So bub, when we step into the ring, there is gonna be only one Playstyle. Mine. You got that?”
What Zach deliberately failed to mention was the shadow of his mother and sister hanging over his head. They were still, as far as he knew, residing at the whim of the Institute and the implications of what they may do to the Vaughn Family if he set a foot even an inch wrong was not lost on the Vigilante. He recalled his dad’s own words, how they didn’t see Zach as a threat. Maybe they allowed this match as a further taunt, to goad Zach and shame him even more.
Other Narrator, I appreciate the backstory, but I'VE GOT THIS.
Fine, fine. I just thought AvengerVerse readers might like to be aware of their guest characters. And you call ME inferior.
At least my hero is still a hero.
YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?
Just...let me do my job!
Ugh, fine.
The other narrator left the scene again, with the Avenger staring up again, baffled. ZVO stared at him in return, equally baffled. He waved his hands to get his attention and Avenger shook his head and looked back at him, as if broken out of a trance.
“Let’s roll for Initiative.”
“I don’t know what that means!” Avenger smiled as he spoke. Even a grump like Van Owen could appreciate such a friendly person with no ulterior motive.
Don’t count on it.
I told you to go away!
Avenger glanced up briefly and then shook his head, trying very hard to not appear crazier than he already did. “Okay, partner! I get it. You’ve been out of the hero biz for a while, so I think you need help getting back in the swing of things! TRUE HEROICS. Like my buddy Sam over there!”
Sam’s hand waved from inside the tent.
“He’s great,” Avenger said with a wistful tone in his voice. He then continued with his the same cheerful tone he had been using. “But between us, your ‘play style’ is what needs work! After all, vigilantes are illegal. Superheroes are beloved! Plus, I got this!”
Avenger then pointed down at the Baltimore City Championship around his waist to prove his point. Zach growled, clearly upset by the reminder of his failure to beat Casanova English and claim the Chaos Belt. Avenger then waved over someone. It was the unseen cameraman who had been filming all of his promos.
“The first thing we do,” he said, “is the superhero promo. I didn’t like them at first either, but they really help strike fear into the heart of evil!”
“You do you. I just want to get back into the ring and score some Critical Hits.”
Avenger shook his head and laughed. He wasn’t mocking ZVO, he laughed more like a dad would with his overeager son.
“Okay, but the first thing you do, and this is important, is strike a SUPERHERO POSE.”
To prove his point, he flew around and struck his best pose, while the camera caught it all. His cape whirled through the air and then landed behind him, as both fists went to his waist and he stood proudly, title belt gleaming in the light. He looked over expectantly at Zach.
“What? If you need to do that to get yourself psyched, then so be it. But I’m not gonna do it. It’s time to duel and I’m ready, supercharged and raring to go. If you want to impress me, show me some super strength and use it to knock out Pandemonium. Or better yet, stand back and see just how effective and satisfying my way of doing things can be. It’s not like these two don’t deserve the punishment. Then you get on my Level and we’ll talk about this Super Hero stuff.”
“You’re no fun,” Avenger grumbled, before waving him on. “Fine, fine. You can go first and talk about how you’re gonna murderize them or whatever Frank Miller-esque thing you’re going for.”
Avenger then stood off to the side and crossed his arms, sulking.
“I am not sulking!” he blurted out, before letting ZVO continue.
“Right. Well it’s simple. I’ve filled myself up on Rare Candies, and like I said I’m ready for whatever Pandemonium will try to throw at us. They’re rolling with Disadvantage. I’ve more than got this. I’ve stood before them time and again and I’m still standing so there is little else they could do to bring me down. They tried to strike me down but I’ve become more powerful than they could ever imagine. We shall be their reckoning. Losing the tag belts was just the beginning of their downfall, of their suffering. With a snap of our fingers, they’ll be dust in the wind and then we’ll look to the rest of Carnage. Together we could stand above them all. There is no rest for the wicked and something very wicked their way comes!”
Avenger stared at him, dumbfounded.
“That’s it?” he asked.
“That’s it.” Zach replied.
Vengy coughed, then shook his head. It seemed he had been doing that a lot today. He ignored the shot from the narrator and pressed on.
“Boy, you really are out of practice. Okay, partner! Let me show you how it’s done!”
The Avenger changed heroic poses, something he was well-versed in, before giving a big cheesy grin and thumbs up to the audience.
“Greetings, Citizens! I know what you might be thinking. Aren’t you bummed that you lost to Silvio? Nope! Because I proved I could hang with a former Carnage champion! I’m still pretty sure he thought it was going to be an easy win, but I don’t think he’ll think about thinking that again!”
He caught Zach rolling his eyes off-camera and chuckled nervously.
“So this time, I’m teaming with a guy that’s maybe had some rotten luck. But this is a chance to change all of that! If there’s anyone that knows about turning things around, it’s YOUR Champion of Baltimore! And getting the chance to go up against some vampires one more time is something the Heart of Carnage Wrestling relishes! At least now, I know that I’ll have someone watching my back and stopping me from getting my SUPER-BLOOD drained!”
Avenger mockingly held up his two index fingers in the form of a crucifix.
“Back off, vampires! Because I’m not the same Avenger I was last year. I’m leaner, meaner and have a pretty cool win percentage for 2021! And I have backup. You may have been able to temporarily get by one superhero, but do you really think you can beat two? Heck no! Why, I’d bet my cape on it! And I like my cape!”
He flipped his cape in the air to show it off.
“So we’ll see you out there, undead Citizens! This is going to be the first win for the hottest new team in Carnage: The Avenger and his sidekick Zach Van Owen!”
Zack grumbled and then seemed to get irritated. Avenger, realizing what he said, made a cutting motion to end the promo early.
“Whoops,” he said meekly. “Sorry.”
“I’m NOT your sidekick,” ZVO said, repeating himself from when they first spoke at Chaos 107.
“Of course not! It was just a…”
“I’m outta here. See you in the ring.” Zack said, interrupting. And with that, he turned around and stormed off.
---
Zach left the rooftop confused, looking back more than once. There was no denying the parallels to Avenger’s dynamic and to the Zach of old. It was going to make the plan to turn the self-proclaimed Superhero to the Dark Side that much harder. Zach paused. He looked over his shoulder, as if he had heard something, but saw no one and continued back to the rental car, where his dad waited.
The Vigilante was in for another surprise that night. A can lay in a dent on the hood of the car, the frank and beans contents spilled out over the windshield. The excess was gonna be a killer. From within the car ‘Atomic’ Adam Vaughn’s well documented temper was in full view, as he glared daggers into the heart of his own son.
It was gonna be a rough night.
---
Back on the rooftop, Avenger was also confused. He scratched his head and tried to make sense of why Zach Van Owen was so irritable. I could have told him about his backstory, but that would be invading ZVO's privacy and neither would want me to do that.
"You got that right," Avenger agreed.
Sam crawled out of the tent again and stood up. Avenger turned to his friend and shrugged his shoulders.
“He seems grumpy,” Vengy said.
“Well, you did call him a sidekick. You know that’s a no-no in the hero world.” Sam scolded him.
Avenger nodded and stroked his chin in thought.
“Oh well,” he replied. “It’ll all smooth over.”
“I dunno man, I think this team is kinda doomed to fail.” Sam said cautiously.
Given a moment to reflect, our hero shook his head, filled to the brim with confidence.
“Don’t worry, Sam! He may not see it now, but I’m trying to help him! We’re going to make Zach a true superhero again!”
Sam laid a hand on his best friend’s shoulder and gave a wan smile. He then sighed and shook his head.
“I hope so, Vengy. I hope so.”