AvengerVerse, Volume 2, Issue 10: Antepenultimate Carnage
LAST TIME IN THE AVENGERVERSE:
The Avenger took a break from trying to stop his evil self to go on a little incursion to another universe.
"Did you just make a pun?" The Avenger asked, sounding offended. And yes, I did.
Vengy then groaned, but decided not to interrupt the narrator again. Last time in the Avengerverse, our hero traveled to another world after his multiversal remote was fixed, only to find himself in gladiatorial combat.
"You mean the Times New Roman place?"
Um, that's a type of font.
"It's...what?"
Nevermind. Anyway, he lost his match to Centurion and disappointed an entire company, but there are rumors that Avenger will have to find a new home soon anyway.
"Say what? I JUST moved to that roof!"
Apparently the place is closing, Vengy.
"Why am I the last to hear about this stuff?" Avenger shouted, before walking off grumbling. "Just give them some sort of filler story! We'll figure out everything else later!"
Well...you heard him, folks.
"Did you just make a pun?" The Avenger asked, sounding offended. And yes, I did.
Vengy then groaned, but decided not to interrupt the narrator again. Last time in the Avengerverse, our hero traveled to another world after his multiversal remote was fixed, only to find himself in gladiatorial combat.
"You mean the Times New Roman place?"
Um, that's a type of font.
"It's...what?"
Nevermind. Anyway, he lost his match to Centurion and disappointed an entire company, but there are rumors that Avenger will have to find a new home soon anyway.
"Say what? I JUST moved to that roof!"
Apparently the place is closing, Vengy.
"Why am I the last to hear about this stuff?" Avenger shouted, before walking off grumbling. "Just give them some sort of filler story! We'll figure out everything else later!"
Well...you heard him, folks.
AVENGERVERSE, VOLUME 2: ISSUE 10
ANTEPENUTIMATE CARNAGE
ANTEPENUTIMATE CARNAGE
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?"
The three heroes, fresh from nearly getting mauled by a lion and then embarrassingly traveling to a universe that was only one over from this one, were now crammed inside of an Uber in a McDonald's drive-thru.
Even superheroes get hungry.
"Okay, what are we getting?" Avenger asked, seeking breathing room as 536 was in the middle and the muscular Sam was on the other side. Avenger was the smallest and felt like he was getting squashed.
"I would never say that, it'd hurt Fat Me's feelings!" Avenger said, with the driver probably wondering why he allowed himself to pick up this fare.
"So would calling me Fat You," 536 interrupted. "I have a name, you know."
"I can't call you by your secret identity and I can't call you Avenger! I'm Avenger!" Our hero argued. He had a point.
"So just call him by my Earth number," Sam pointed out, barely taking his attention away from whatever game he was playing on his phone.
"I guess that works, the narrator does that," Vengy replied, ignoring the raised eyebrows from his friend who were at least starting to get used to the fact that he could hear the narration, or at least thought he did.
"Sir?" the voice in the box asked. "Your order?"
Avenger chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head.
"Sorry!" he called out, before pulling up a piece of paper. "None for me, because I watched Super Size Me last night. But my friends here want two big macs, two shamrock shakes, two extra large fries and two large cokes, light on the ice."
536 spoke up sheepishly. "Actually, that's all for me."
Avenger started at him for a moment and blinked. "No, I'm not going to say anything. What does Sam want?"
He flipped over the piece of paper and spoke aloud, not even sure what he was saying. "And for the second order...a twenty piece of 'Dank Chickie Nuggies'?"
"Do you mean Chicken McNuggets, sir?"
Avenger glanced at Sam, who nodded.
"Yes, with hot mustard please. Sam, your Earth has weird terms for things."
Sam shrugged, immersed in whatever game he was playing.
"Sir, that order is going to take a while, as we're backed up. Do you mind pulling around?" The box asked. They didn't mind at all.
The three heroes, fresh from nearly getting mauled by a lion and then embarrassingly traveling to a universe that was only one over from this one, were now crammed inside of an Uber in a McDonald's drive-thru.
Even superheroes get hungry.
"Okay, what are we getting?" Avenger asked, seeking breathing room as 536 was in the middle and the muscular Sam was on the other side. Avenger was the smallest and felt like he was getting squashed.
"I would never say that, it'd hurt Fat Me's feelings!" Avenger said, with the driver probably wondering why he allowed himself to pick up this fare.
"So would calling me Fat You," 536 interrupted. "I have a name, you know."
"I can't call you by your secret identity and I can't call you Avenger! I'm Avenger!" Our hero argued. He had a point.
"So just call him by my Earth number," Sam pointed out, barely taking his attention away from whatever game he was playing on his phone.
"I guess that works, the narrator does that," Vengy replied, ignoring the raised eyebrows from his friend who were at least starting to get used to the fact that he could hear the narration, or at least thought he did.
"Sir?" the voice in the box asked. "Your order?"
Avenger chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head.
"Sorry!" he called out, before pulling up a piece of paper. "None for me, because I watched Super Size Me last night. But my friends here want two big macs, two shamrock shakes, two extra large fries and two large cokes, light on the ice."
536 spoke up sheepishly. "Actually, that's all for me."
Avenger started at him for a moment and blinked. "No, I'm not going to say anything. What does Sam want?"
He flipped over the piece of paper and spoke aloud, not even sure what he was saying. "And for the second order...a twenty piece of 'Dank Chickie Nuggies'?"
"Do you mean Chicken McNuggets, sir?"
Avenger glanced at Sam, who nodded.
"Yes, with hot mustard please. Sam, your Earth has weird terms for things."
Sam shrugged, immersed in whatever game he was playing.
"Sir, that order is going to take a while, as we're backed up. Do you mind pulling around?" The box asked. They didn't mind at all.
---(A)---
"Our driver is unusually patient, we should give him a tip." Avenger nodded. He sat against the driver's side door in the back of the Honda Civic which was not very spacious at all, but he was turned so that he could be in full view of the camera. 536 was recording this time, as they wanted to get a quick word to Carnage Wrestling before the match.
"Greetings, Citizens of Carnage! This is almost the last we'll be talking to each other, as your Baltimore Champion was told the place is closing up shop soon. It's very sad, and probably was preventable, but there are some places not even a hero can save. But what you have to know in this trying time is that it's just a place! It's just a company! Sure, it was nice and we all enjoyed our time, but it's a brick and mortar building. It doesn't replace the memories or the matches or anything like that. It's not home. Home is where you make it. You'll all go on to make other places your homes, and I'll continue to fight evil wherever I am needed do that."
Avenger nodded, as though he were giving sage advice instead of something he heard in a Hallmark TV movie. Sam, who couldn't be seen off camera, rolled his eyes. Whether he did that because of the game or what Avenger said, we'll never know.
"And don't be discouraged!" Vengy added. "Because THE HEART OF CARNAGE WRESTLING is still beating! Even after some place closes and the badness is forgotten, I am still the heart of this place, and I'll still keep beating the drums of Baltimore wherever I go to fight crime!"
He thought to himself for a moment, wondering if that all made sense. Deciding it did, he continued.
"I've still got some #JUSTICE to give out in this place too. After Ragdoll turned us into the bane of the wrestling world at Incursion, your friendly neighborhood Avenger has to settle with that clown at some point! For a while, I thought, 'are we the baddies?' But then I realized, we can't be, because we have Catalina Cortes!"
"Greetings, Citizens of Carnage! This is almost the last we'll be talking to each other, as your Baltimore Champion was told the place is closing up shop soon. It's very sad, and probably was preventable, but there are some places not even a hero can save. But what you have to know in this trying time is that it's just a place! It's just a company! Sure, it was nice and we all enjoyed our time, but it's a brick and mortar building. It doesn't replace the memories or the matches or anything like that. It's not home. Home is where you make it. You'll all go on to make other places your homes, and I'll continue to fight evil wherever I am needed do that."
Avenger nodded, as though he were giving sage advice instead of something he heard in a Hallmark TV movie. Sam, who couldn't be seen off camera, rolled his eyes. Whether he did that because of the game or what Avenger said, we'll never know.
"And don't be discouraged!" Vengy added. "Because THE HEART OF CARNAGE WRESTLING is still beating! Even after some place closes and the badness is forgotten, I am still the heart of this place, and I'll still keep beating the drums of Baltimore wherever I go to fight crime!"
He thought to himself for a moment, wondering if that all made sense. Deciding it did, he continued.
"I've still got some #JUSTICE to give out in this place too. After Ragdoll turned us into the bane of the wrestling world at Incursion, your friendly neighborhood Avenger has to settle with that clown at some point! For a while, I thought, 'are we the baddies?' But then I realized, we can't be, because we have Catalina Cortes!"
To prove his point, he held up his smartphone with a picture of Cortes, holding the Carnage title, loaded up.
"I am absolutely honored to be facing Cortes at Chaos 109. She is a tough fighter, a great champion and a representative of all the good parts of this place. I mean, heck, she's easily the best Citizen to hold the belt since, I dunno, Will Prydor? Maybe best isn't the right word. Pure? Good? Wholesome? There's something likable about our current World Champion. She doesn't seem as toxic or selfish as several of the other champions who came before."
Avenger nodded again, lifting up the World Champion on a pedestal, where World Champions should be lifted up.
"Cat...can I call you Cat? I certainly wouldn't want to call you dog!" He joked, but frowned when no one laughed. "Cat, I know there were people angry that you won. That happens when someone defeats someone else. Sometimes someone will stomp their feet and cry about it, others take it in stride. I mean, nobody was happy when little old me became Baltimore Champion, especially that mean old man Johnny Vegas! I don't know if he's been happy with anything though."
He reached down to his waist, a gesture that seemed very lewd given the angle of the camera and audible grunting was doing in his cramped position, and finally pulled out...his Baltimore title. He held it up on his shoulder and pointed at it.
"This is pretty cool, I think! A Champion vs. Champion match! And between two of the more original champions in Carnage history! Sure, anyone can be a boring old "look at me I'm a tough wrassler" type of person, but people like us are unique! We move to the beat of our own drum and don't let the opinions of others stop us! That's what I like about you. You're uniquely Catalina Cortes, and you are one of the most successful wrestlers this place has ever seen. And I've been here a while, I've seen them all."
Avenger nodded again, remembering some of the past champions to come through the place, not just for Cat's belt, but his own.
"You finally got the belt you wanted, and I got the belt I wanted. We're going to begin Carnage's last chapter as two great champions, having a great match and ignoring everyone who ever told us no. That's really all I care about. You're the top wrestler in this place. It's gonna be tough to beat you, even though I plan to try my best! But I just wanted you to know, I respect you, and I'm really excited to share the ring with you on Monday! See you out there!"
"I am absolutely honored to be facing Cortes at Chaos 109. She is a tough fighter, a great champion and a representative of all the good parts of this place. I mean, heck, she's easily the best Citizen to hold the belt since, I dunno, Will Prydor? Maybe best isn't the right word. Pure? Good? Wholesome? There's something likable about our current World Champion. She doesn't seem as toxic or selfish as several of the other champions who came before."
Avenger nodded again, lifting up the World Champion on a pedestal, where World Champions should be lifted up.
"Cat...can I call you Cat? I certainly wouldn't want to call you dog!" He joked, but frowned when no one laughed. "Cat, I know there were people angry that you won. That happens when someone defeats someone else. Sometimes someone will stomp their feet and cry about it, others take it in stride. I mean, nobody was happy when little old me became Baltimore Champion, especially that mean old man Johnny Vegas! I don't know if he's been happy with anything though."
He reached down to his waist, a gesture that seemed very lewd given the angle of the camera and audible grunting was doing in his cramped position, and finally pulled out...his Baltimore title. He held it up on his shoulder and pointed at it.
"This is pretty cool, I think! A Champion vs. Champion match! And between two of the more original champions in Carnage history! Sure, anyone can be a boring old "look at me I'm a tough wrassler" type of person, but people like us are unique! We move to the beat of our own drum and don't let the opinions of others stop us! That's what I like about you. You're uniquely Catalina Cortes, and you are one of the most successful wrestlers this place has ever seen. And I've been here a while, I've seen them all."
Avenger nodded again, remembering some of the past champions to come through the place, not just for Cat's belt, but his own.
"You finally got the belt you wanted, and I got the belt I wanted. We're going to begin Carnage's last chapter as two great champions, having a great match and ignoring everyone who ever told us no. That's really all I care about. You're the top wrestler in this place. It's gonna be tough to beat you, even though I plan to try my best! But I just wanted you to know, I respect you, and I'm really excited to share the ring with you on Monday! See you out there!"
Avenger then gave a thumbs up, and 536 noticed the McDonald's worker approaching the window, so he hastily shut off the video.
---(A)---
The three sat in the back, with two of them eating food. Avenger sat, wondering why he let some pretentious filmmaker talk him out of a dank chickie nuggie.
"Hey Sam, do you mind if I...."
Sam nodded, and Vengy grabbed a few McNuggets. But before he could eat them, he witnessed both of his friends turn to each other with a sick look on their faces.
"Oh...oh no..." 536 mumbled, and the three heard his stomach begin to rattle.
"That...wasn't food!" Sam Action finally said, and the two glanced at each other and Sam almost kicked open the door, before they quickly got out and ran inside the McDonald's from the parking lot. Avenger sat with a bewildered look on his face.
"Well that was weird."
He glanced down at his McNuggets and gingerly, with all the care of someone who might be handling an active landmine, placed them back in their container. He heard laughing, and after quickly looking around to make sure he was alone, he remembered that he wasn't. The driver, who had been unusually patient and quiet the entire time, spoke up.
"Smile, superzero!"
Avenger looked up and smiled on instinct, only to see a strange device in front of his face. The man with black and white face paint began laughing again and pressed a button, causing the device to flash. Avenger's eyes crossed...
And then...
He...
passed out.
---(A)---
"Hey Sam, do you mind if I...."
Sam nodded, and Vengy grabbed a few McNuggets. But before he could eat them, he witnessed both of his friends turn to each other with a sick look on their faces.
"Oh...oh no..." 536 mumbled, and the three heard his stomach begin to rattle.
"That...wasn't food!" Sam Action finally said, and the two glanced at each other and Sam almost kicked open the door, before they quickly got out and ran inside the McDonald's from the parking lot. Avenger sat with a bewildered look on his face.
"Well that was weird."
He glanced down at his McNuggets and gingerly, with all the care of someone who might be handling an active landmine, placed them back in their container. He heard laughing, and after quickly looking around to make sure he was alone, he remembered that he wasn't. The driver, who had been unusually patient and quiet the entire time, spoke up.
"Smile, superzero!"
Avenger looked up and smiled on instinct, only to see a strange device in front of his face. The man with black and white face paint began laughing again and pressed a button, causing the device to flash. Avenger's eyes crossed...
And then...
He...
passed out.
---(A)---