AvengerVerse Mini Issue #3: The RickVenger MortyVerse

A green portal spiraled open in the middle of a rooftop in Baltimore, the last known location of the Avenger of Earth #615. We've traveled here before, as it's almost entirely like our universe, just one over. That brings small changes. But as we've also learned, every universe has an Avenger. And it seems the people coming through this green portal have a bone to pick, as one of them is holding a futuristic laser gun.

An old man with wild, grey hair holds the gun in his left hand, while taking a swig from a flask almost certainly containing alcohol. His white lab coat shines in the autumn afternoon sun. He steps confidently through the portal and begins looking around for a sign of life. One particular life, in fact. 

Next to him, a teenage boy stumbles out. He gets dirt from the roof on his yellow shirt and jeans and quickly brushes them off. He's timid, but not so much so he can't complain.

"Aw geez, Rick, I thought we were gonna go home after that last place," the teenager whined. "I was hoping to run into..."

"Jessica," the old man, Rick, countered, before belching. "You sound like a br--*buuuuurp* broken record, you know that Morty?"

"Well what are we doing here?" Morty asked, being the most assertive he's ever been, but still sounding like a child who didn't get the dessert he wanted. 

Rick took another swig and his eyes narrowed, surveying the scenery for that very reason. "I try really hard to stay out of just enough trouble that I don't get a whole lame storyline with the Council of Ricks again. I even did that stupid cross-promotional deal with the Space Jam sequel. But this guy is pushing it."

Morty groaned as they had been to four or five different universes already. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Rick kept rambling, likely ready to ignore Morty's question and inadvertently answer it at the same time. "C-c-oming here, *BUUUURP*, taking my intellectual property, making it family-friendly. Making it PG, playing superhero with it. It's [BLEEP]ing ridiculous, Morty. See? I can't even use any [BLEEP]ing curse words. Do you know we're not even real here? We're fictional characters!"

Suddenly, the two ducked down behind an AC unit once the door to the roof of the venue opened up and The Avenger of Earth #615 kept strolling out, with a unusually thin companion. 

"I'm telling you, Thin Me, I think I could really beat Gabriel if I could remember this darn joke," Avenger muttered to himself. 

The Thin Avenger, of Earth #635, rubbed his chin with his bony fingers. "Maybe you should work on your wrestling skills instead of jokes. This could be your chance to prove your match with Eden wasn't a fluke."

Avenger #615 thought for a moment, basically ignoring his skinny companion. Clearly, the thin version of our hero hadn't done any superheroing in a while. A good joke the kick off a promo was the most important thing.

"A man goes into a doctor's office," he started. "He says, doctor, I'm feeling depressed. The doctor says, 'I've got just the thing to cheer you up. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. He's very funny. It'll cheer you right up.'"

Avenger stopped for a moment and thought to himself, trying to remember the punchline. "I can't remember how it goes!"

Thin Avenger shrugged. "Don't ask me," he added. "Humor was outlawed in my universe." 

"I don't even think Gabriel is a real doctor. Or he's a really bad one, like Dr. Giggles. You ever seen Dr. Giggles?"

Avenger #635 shook his head.

"Me either, scary movies give me indigestion. But it SOUNDS very bad!" 

Behind the nearby AC unit, Rick rubbed his temples in frustration. Thin Avenger patted his friend on the back. "I'm sure you'll get it before we actually have to record your promo. Once Bert gets back with the camera, anyway."

Avenger shook his head. "If I could only remember it now. The man says...something. But Doctor..."

Suddenly the old man, now entirely out of his mind with impatience, jumped up and aimed his laser gun at the pair. "BUT DOCTOR, I AM PAGLIACCI! God, you two are a h[UUUUUUURP]uge pain in my [bleep] and I haven't even met you yet. Stealing my plot device of going to different universes, being dumb like Morty."

Morty scowled. Avenger #615 tilted his head to the side. 

"Citizen...you should put down the gun before you hurt someone! I've got a big match against Gabriel Morgan at OWF Cooperation on Monday and I can't have any distractions!" 

The Thin Avenger had his hands up and nodded. "Besides, we don't do multiverse hopping anymore! Don't kill us!"

Morty looked up at Rick. Rick's eyes narrowed, before he looked at his portal gun, which had been holstered. He relaxed and chuckled before lowering his weapon.

"Ahhh [BUUUURP], we got the universe wrong! Our mistake! You guys are safe, don't worry. Here Morty, hold this."

Rick then tossed the gun through the air, casually at Morty, who tried to catch it. Instead he fumbled it, bouncing it between his hands, and it immediately fell on the ground, discharging. The beam went straight into the Avenger of Universe #615 and vaporized him instantly. Rick, who had been in mid-chug, spat up his whiskey and immediately looked at Morty.

"Aw geez," the teenager whined, a little louder, with his hands on his head. He reached down to pick it up and lost his grip again, firing another shot which took out a section of the roof. Thin Avenger had long since fled. 

"MORTY, what did you do? [BLEEP] it! Now we gotta go back into hiding! The Council of Ricks is never gonna believe this, those [BLEEP]holes!"

Rick immediately grabbed Morty's hand and fired off a portal before the two jumped into it, leaving the Thin Avenger (and our Avenger, who would never know this incident happened) alone.