AvengerVerse Finale: King of Wishful Thinking
LAST TIME IN THE AVENGERVERSE:
Oh my god, how long has it been? I thought you guys were dead.
Vengy, are you here?
Suddenly, the Avenger came stumbling into the narration void, or whatever we're calling this, disheveled and an absolute mess.
Suddenly, the Avenger came stumbling into the narration void, or whatever we're calling this, disheveled and an absolute mess.
"Gee, thanks", our hero said, before chugging a bottle of...is that chocolate syrup?
"It's MINE!"
"It's MINE!"
I don't want any, Vengy.
"Well good," our hero grumbled. "I'm gonna sugar all this sadness away."
Should we explain to the readers why you're sad, Vengy? Or why you've been gone for a year?
"If you want to."
"Well good," our hero grumbled. "I'm gonna sugar all this sadness away."
Should we explain to the readers why you're sad, Vengy? Or why you've been gone for a year?
"If you want to."
At this point, the Avenger began to reach his hand down his pants, seemingly not caring that this is a family-oriented story...oh that's a jar. A jar of marshmallow fluff.
And he started eating it with his bare hand.
Anyway folks, last year, The Avenger from 536, who you may remember is..
"Fat me."
Yes. He finally made the alterations to the multiversal remote that allowed travel to the negaverse. This was all to save Sam Action, who has been trapped there for two years now. What you didn't see is that when 536 tested the new calibrations...
"He disappeared!" Avenger shouted, almost sobbing. "Just poof. Gone."
Vengy then poured the chocolate syrup into the fluff and began generally making a mess of himself.
"Don't judge me!"
Fine. Vengy tried to move on with adventures here on Earth 616, someone even gave him a World title, and he won a tag team title with El Diablo Blanco.
"Oh you HAD to bring HIM up," our hero said bitterly. Yes Vengy, we have to bring everyone up to speed.
"I have too much lore."
With that, Avenger pulled a packet of graham crackers out of his pocket and crumbled it into the jar. It seems he's trying to make liquid s'mores. Please don't dirty up the narration void. I just had it cleaned.
"That doesn't even make sense! You're just a voice in my head, maybe!"
I don't think we have time for that. Lots to do.
And he started eating it with his bare hand.
Anyway folks, last year, The Avenger from 536, who you may remember is..
"Fat me."
Yes. He finally made the alterations to the multiversal remote that allowed travel to the negaverse. This was all to save Sam Action, who has been trapped there for two years now. What you didn't see is that when 536 tested the new calibrations...
"He disappeared!" Avenger shouted, almost sobbing. "Just poof. Gone."
Vengy then poured the chocolate syrup into the fluff and began generally making a mess of himself.
"Don't judge me!"
Fine. Vengy tried to move on with adventures here on Earth 616, someone even gave him a World title, and he won a tag team title with El Diablo Blanco.
"Oh you HAD to bring HIM up," our hero said bitterly. Yes Vengy, we have to bring everyone up to speed.
"I have too much lore."
With that, Avenger pulled a packet of graham crackers out of his pocket and crumbled it into the jar. It seems he's trying to make liquid s'mores. Please don't dirty up the narration void. I just had it cleaned.
"That doesn't even make sense! You're just a voice in my head, maybe!"
I don't think we have time for that. Lots to do.
AVENGERVERSE FINALE:
KING OF WISHFUL THINKING
It had been weeks since our hero learned of El D's defection to the dark side, and rather than appreciate the narrator's alliteration, he decided to take a break from superheroing. And shaving. And bathing. If he had friends left, they might stage an intervention. But we're being nice to him because he lost three friends in two years.
"I can still hear you, you know."
The Avenger scratched the depression beard he had been trying to grow, but it was patchy and barely noticeable. He was sitting in a ratty Baltimore motel, and since he hadn't made any money in a while, he was close to getting evicted. What money he did have left he blew on an acoustic guitar. He didn't bother paying for lessons.
"Don't need them," Vengy protested. "I have a super ear."
He pulled out the guitar, as if to prove his point and began to strum out of tune. He also began to sing, off-key.
"I'll get over you
I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking"
I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking"
Vengy, what's with the lyrics interrupting the flow of the story?
"Well, JC does them and he wins a lot and nothing bad happens to him!" Vengy protested, throwing his guitar next to him on the bed with a thunk. He then quickly spun around out of fear he had broken it, but it seemed to be fine. Before the narrator could remind him what everyone's favorite Bogeyman had been up to lately, our hero got up into the next room. This is good news for all of you watching, because The Avenger has a lot of powers and singing isn't one of them.
He shut the door behind him. Your humble narrator could follow, but he's in the bathroom and there's some story details that the reader does not need to know. Besides, the more interesting thing began to happen in the room Vengy just left.
"Did you say something?" he called out from where he was, making noises that are very unsuperherolike and won't be repeated. You need to lay off those darn enchiladas, Vengy.
"You're not my mother."
"Well, JC does them and he wins a lot and nothing bad happens to him!" Vengy protested, throwing his guitar next to him on the bed with a thunk. He then quickly spun around out of fear he had broken it, but it seemed to be fine. Before the narrator could remind him what everyone's favorite Bogeyman had been up to lately, our hero got up into the next room. This is good news for all of you watching, because The Avenger has a lot of powers and singing isn't one of them.
He shut the door behind him. Your humble narrator could follow, but he's in the bathroom and there's some story details that the reader does not need to know. Besides, the more interesting thing began to happen in the room Vengy just left.
"Did you say something?" he called out from where he was, making noises that are very unsuperherolike and won't be repeated. You need to lay off those darn enchiladas, Vengy.
"You're not my mother."
Well someone should be. Inside the general room, things started to move around as if they were being blown by the wind. As the motel owner shot off the AC to get the broke Vengy to leave, that wasn't the culprit. It also wouldn't explain the flashes of lightning in the air, as if something very powerful was about to rip a hole in space and time. A lightning bolt suddenly flash fried The Avenger's guitar and set the bed on fire.
The Avenger flushed the toilet and ran out of the bathroom to see the fire. He also did not wash his hands.
"Um, priorities!" he shouted. More lightning bolts ripped through the room and suddenly a vortex opened, with a large muscular man stepping out. He had on a tattered version of the Avenger's costume, which hung from him and appeared to be stretched out. In his hands he held the Multiversal Remote.
"Who the heck are you?" Our hero demanded, aiming the hand sanitizer bottle grabbed for himself in the muscular man's general direction.
"Vengy," the man said. "It's me. I'm.."
The man took a step forward and Vengy squeezed the bottle and squirted a stream of sanitizer into the intruder's eye. The muscular man screamed and immediately dropped to his knees, frantically wiping at his eyes to get rid of the burning sensation.
"Take that, villain! You obviously robbed Fat Me of his device and have come here to attack me!"
"I'm The Avenger from Earth 536, you moron!"
The Avenger flushed the toilet and ran out of the bathroom to see the fire. He also did not wash his hands.
"Um, priorities!" he shouted. More lightning bolts ripped through the room and suddenly a vortex opened, with a large muscular man stepping out. He had on a tattered version of the Avenger's costume, which hung from him and appeared to be stretched out. In his hands he held the Multiversal Remote.
"Who the heck are you?" Our hero demanded, aiming the hand sanitizer bottle grabbed for himself in the muscular man's general direction.
"Vengy," the man said. "It's me. I'm.."
The man took a step forward and Vengy squeezed the bottle and squirted a stream of sanitizer into the intruder's eye. The muscular man screamed and immediately dropped to his knees, frantically wiping at his eyes to get rid of the burning sensation.
"Take that, villain! You obviously robbed Fat Me of his device and have come here to attack me!"
"I'm The Avenger from Earth 536, you moron!"
Avenger put down the bottle and put himself in position to deliver a superhero kick.
"Impossible! Fat Me looks nothing like this!"
The muscular man grabbed a half-filled bottle of water that had been laying nearby and poured it over his face. He got back up and looked at our hero, his eyes red.
"Look at my face! I'm 536!"
The Avenger stared at the man claiming to be his friend. He placed both hands on his face and continued to stare before he jumped back.
"It IS you! But wait, it CAN'T be you!" He then stepped forward again and having no boundaries at all, lifted 536's shirt to expose his abdomen.
"You have ABS!" he said, making his formerly rotund friend embarrassed. "Was it from the trauma of being stuck in the multiverse?"
"No, I went to a gym. I got tired of being called Fat You."
"Well, now I have to call you Hot Me!"
536 sat down on the burned bed while Vengy paced back and forth, unable to contain himself. "So where were you?" our hero asked.
"It's a long story but I'll try to make it simple. Everywhere. I've seen so many worlds. When I tapped into the negaverse, it shorted out the MR and I just kept jumping from universe to universe, never having any control of where I went or how long I stayed there. I just kept hoping that the next leap would be the leap home."
"Oh, like Quantum Leap!" Vengy exclaimed, excited.
"Impossible! Fat Me looks nothing like this!"
The muscular man grabbed a half-filled bottle of water that had been laying nearby and poured it over his face. He got back up and looked at our hero, his eyes red.
"Look at my face! I'm 536!"
The Avenger stared at the man claiming to be his friend. He placed both hands on his face and continued to stare before he jumped back.
"It IS you! But wait, it CAN'T be you!" He then stepped forward again and having no boundaries at all, lifted 536's shirt to expose his abdomen.
"You have ABS!" he said, making his formerly rotund friend embarrassed. "Was it from the trauma of being stuck in the multiverse?"
"No, I went to a gym. I got tired of being called Fat You."
"Well, now I have to call you Hot Me!"
536 sat down on the burned bed while Vengy paced back and forth, unable to contain himself. "So where were you?" our hero asked.
"It's a long story but I'll try to make it simple. Everywhere. I've seen so many worlds. When I tapped into the negaverse, it shorted out the MR and I just kept jumping from universe to universe, never having any control of where I went or how long I stayed there. I just kept hoping that the next leap would be the leap home."
"Oh, like Quantum Leap!" Vengy exclaimed, excited.
"I have no idea what that is. Anyway, I was bummed to land here until I saw you and now I'm shutting this thing off until I need it again."
That's when 536 smiled. "And we will need it again, because I figured out how to use it to get to the negaverse. For real this time. But we have to get to the Sonoran Desert."
"I was already thinking about going there for Wrestlestock! I had a ticket and everything!"
"We'd better get two. Because that's where we'll need to go to save Sam. I'll explain on the way."
That's when 536 smiled. "And we will need it again, because I figured out how to use it to get to the negaverse. For real this time. But we have to get to the Sonoran Desert."
"I was already thinking about going there for Wrestlestock! I had a ticket and everything!"
"We'd better get two. Because that's where we'll need to go to save Sam. I'll explain on the way."
---(A)---
Several days later, a cleaned-up Avenger and a better dressed 536 found themselves back at Wrestlestock, taking in the sights as the sun began to set. The Avenger in particular had a bounce in his step that he hadn't had for a year, maybe longer.
"I'm not bouncing!" he argued, drawing looks from people passing by and an eyeroll from his friend. 536 in particular noticed that people were staring at the pair, with some of them pointing out the two. Others were making sure to keep their distance.
"I wonder what that's about," 536 said.
"Clearly, it's because you're bringing #HotHeroSummer back to Wrestlestock, amigo!"
The two then came across a bulletin board in what was likely the middle of the festival, and right in the center was a poster with the Avenger's face on it. It wasn't a flattering picture.
"I'm not bouncing!" he argued, drawing looks from people passing by and an eyeroll from his friend. 536 in particular noticed that people were staring at the pair, with some of them pointing out the two. Others were making sure to keep their distance.
"I wonder what that's about," 536 said.
"Clearly, it's because you're bringing #HotHeroSummer back to Wrestlestock, amigo!"
The two then came across a bulletin board in what was likely the middle of the festival, and right in the center was a poster with the Avenger's face on it. It wasn't a flattering picture.
Unfortunately, Vengy saw it too, immediately reaching and yanking from where it was pinned.
"What in the wide world of sports is this? I'M A CRIMINAL HERE?"
"What in the wide world of sports is this? I'M A CRIMINAL HERE?"
"Vengy..." 536 started, but it was too late. A rant had already begun.
"I know I'm not like, the BEST superhero, but I try my best! And what's this for? I haven't even been here in two years! I swear, it's like the UGWC people just don't..."
A crowd had started to gather as Vengy continued to ramble. Honestly, we don't need to share all of it. It's not relevant to this story. But he's definitely doing a lot of whining. The people began to surround them and take video to stream online. More importantly, some of them were looking for security. Most importantly, some of them were looking for weapons.
"...and Tony Savage isn't even that good anyway!" Vengy concluded, panting. He looked around at the mob of wrestling fans, who saw a chance to score a thousand dollars at his expense.
"I can't believe we're running at WrestleStock again," 536 said, and using his new muscles, scooped up Vengy in a fireman's carry and began to sprint through the crowd. With the possibility of having to actually put forth effort, many of the fans went back to do other things. A few chased after but got winded and gave up. Once he finally got to the Hell on Heels district, 536 stopped and put Vengy down.
"That was a rush!" Vengy shouted, pumping his fist in the air for emphasis. "And you're barely winded!"
"Yes, I got very fit. I get it."
The Avenger looked behind him at the dissipating crowd. "So why do you think they were after me?"
536 regained his breath, then sighed. "Because of what happened when we time traveled to 2020. You superkicked a security guard. They frown upon things like that."
"Oh that old chestnut?" Vengy said, then pouted. "I mean well. Doesn't mean I should be called dangerous." He kicked a nearby pole in frustration, knocking another WANTED poster loose.
"I know you do, Vengy. Now, where did Captain 80s say to go?"
The Avenger received help from his former roommate when he learned a spot in the Sonoran Desert was where the dimensional walls were thinnest. From there, 536 could turn on the MR and send a signal that would enable them to travel to the multiverse. That was a lot of plot exposition during the trip that you didn't really need to see. Only the best stories make it into AvengerVerse comics!
"Darn straight," Vengy agreed, looking skyward. When 536 looked at him in exasperation, he shook his head. "Sorry. Anyway, he said...FIND YOUR WAY PAST THE HELL ON HEELS DISTRICT TO THE PALAVER WAYSTATION!!! YEAAA..." Then he began to cough, lacking the lung capacity of someone who grew up in a time when big cities had smog making lungs tougher.
"Okay, well um, I'm not sure what a Palaver Waystation is, but there is a gift shop near the exit."
A crowd had started to gather as Vengy continued to ramble. Honestly, we don't need to share all of it. It's not relevant to this story. But he's definitely doing a lot of whining. The people began to surround them and take video to stream online. More importantly, some of them were looking for security. Most importantly, some of them were looking for weapons.
"...and Tony Savage isn't even that good anyway!" Vengy concluded, panting. He looked around at the mob of wrestling fans, who saw a chance to score a thousand dollars at his expense.
"I can't believe we're running at WrestleStock again," 536 said, and using his new muscles, scooped up Vengy in a fireman's carry and began to sprint through the crowd. With the possibility of having to actually put forth effort, many of the fans went back to do other things. A few chased after but got winded and gave up. Once he finally got to the Hell on Heels district, 536 stopped and put Vengy down.
"That was a rush!" Vengy shouted, pumping his fist in the air for emphasis. "And you're barely winded!"
"Yes, I got very fit. I get it."
The Avenger looked behind him at the dissipating crowd. "So why do you think they were after me?"
536 regained his breath, then sighed. "Because of what happened when we time traveled to 2020. You superkicked a security guard. They frown upon things like that."
"Oh that old chestnut?" Vengy said, then pouted. "I mean well. Doesn't mean I should be called dangerous." He kicked a nearby pole in frustration, knocking another WANTED poster loose.
"I know you do, Vengy. Now, where did Captain 80s say to go?"
The Avenger received help from his former roommate when he learned a spot in the Sonoran Desert was where the dimensional walls were thinnest. From there, 536 could turn on the MR and send a signal that would enable them to travel to the multiverse. That was a lot of plot exposition during the trip that you didn't really need to see. Only the best stories make it into AvengerVerse comics!
"Darn straight," Vengy agreed, looking skyward. When 536 looked at him in exasperation, he shook his head. "Sorry. Anyway, he said...FIND YOUR WAY PAST THE HELL ON HEELS DISTRICT TO THE PALAVER WAYSTATION!!! YEAAA..." Then he began to cough, lacking the lung capacity of someone who grew up in a time when big cities had smog making lungs tougher.
"Okay, well um, I'm not sure what a Palaver Waystation is, but there is a gift shop near the exit."
The two walked through the massive building, taking in the history of women in UGWC. The Avenger walked a little quicker past the Lucy Wylde exhibit, remembering the history he had with her alternates. When they got to the gift shop, someone else began to stare at them, so he grabbed a quick Maggie Lockhart 'Jenova' replica mask and put it over his regular mask.
"So what do we do?" he asked, the mask too big for his head.
536 said nothing, instead turning a dial on the MR. It produced a very low hum, one so low it was almost uncomfortable. Two nearby men carrying a burlap sack with Zane Scott inside suddenly dropped him, as the resonance produced a brown note. They ran for the nearest bathroom.
"Should we help him?" 536 asked, motioning towards the bag. However, he quickly changed his mind when he saw Vengy throwing up inside of an Eden Morgan commemorative trash can. 536 looked at Vengy, then back at Scott, then back at Vengy.
"He'll...probably be fine," he said. But before he could change his mind, they heard the sound of a loud whistle. Suddenly, the very fabric of time and space began to ripple and suddenly, a large train came barreling through the Hell on Heels district, smashing through displays of Hazel East, Sloane Taylor and Roxy Cotton. People began screaming and running, giving the sudden locomotive a wide berth. It probably didn't help that it had a face and was grinning at the two who summoned it. Once Vengy stopped puking, he looked at the damage that was just caused.
"Oh my god, they are never inviting us back he...HOLY GUACAMOLE THAT THING HAS A FACE!"
"Yeah, we should um...get on." 536 replied.
"Are you kidding me? It could eat us! You're too pretty for me to die!"
That's when the train opened its mouth.
"STATE YOUR BUSINESS AND NAME YOURSELVES."
"So what do we do?" he asked, the mask too big for his head.
536 said nothing, instead turning a dial on the MR. It produced a very low hum, one so low it was almost uncomfortable. Two nearby men carrying a burlap sack with Zane Scott inside suddenly dropped him, as the resonance produced a brown note. They ran for the nearest bathroom.
"Should we help him?" 536 asked, motioning towards the bag. However, he quickly changed his mind when he saw Vengy throwing up inside of an Eden Morgan commemorative trash can. 536 looked at Vengy, then back at Scott, then back at Vengy.
"He'll...probably be fine," he said. But before he could change his mind, they heard the sound of a loud whistle. Suddenly, the very fabric of time and space began to ripple and suddenly, a large train came barreling through the Hell on Heels district, smashing through displays of Hazel East, Sloane Taylor and Roxy Cotton. People began screaming and running, giving the sudden locomotive a wide berth. It probably didn't help that it had a face and was grinning at the two who summoned it. Once Vengy stopped puking, he looked at the damage that was just caused.
"Oh my god, they are never inviting us back he...HOLY GUACAMOLE THAT THING HAS A FACE!"
"Yeah, we should um...get on." 536 replied.
"Are you kidding me? It could eat us! You're too pretty for me to die!"
That's when the train opened its mouth.
"STATE YOUR BUSINESS AND NAME YOURSELVES."
The two were terrified, but Vengy finally choked out a response.
"We're both...um...The Avenger?"
"IN SEVERAL WORLDS THE AVENGER IS NO MORE. WHERE DO YOU WISH TO GO?"
536 spoke up this time. "The negaverse."
"THAT IS A COMPLICATED PATH. IF YOU GO THERE, TWO MORE AVENGERS WILL BE NO MORE."
536 looked at Vengy, who shrugged. "We've gotta try," he said.
"THEN BOARD ME. MY NAME IS SHANE. NO RELATION TO THAT OTHER MONO. IT'S A PLEASURE, GENTS!"
The two gave each other a cautious look and got on board the locomotive, which took off and smashed through the fabric of space and time again, just missing the arrival of the entire security team by seconds. By the time the weekend was over, no one would remember seeing a train and the damage would be blamed on the usual shenanigans that happen during the week.
"We're both...um...The Avenger?"
"IN SEVERAL WORLDS THE AVENGER IS NO MORE. WHERE DO YOU WISH TO GO?"
536 spoke up this time. "The negaverse."
"THAT IS A COMPLICATED PATH. IF YOU GO THERE, TWO MORE AVENGERS WILL BE NO MORE."
536 looked at Vengy, who shrugged. "We've gotta try," he said.
"THEN BOARD ME. MY NAME IS SHANE. NO RELATION TO THAT OTHER MONO. IT'S A PLEASURE, GENTS!"
The two gave each other a cautious look and got on board the locomotive, which took off and smashed through the fabric of space and time again, just missing the arrival of the entire security team by seconds. By the time the weekend was over, no one would remember seeing a train and the damage would be blamed on the usual shenanigans that happen during the week.
---(A)---
"SO HOW ABOUT A GAME OF RIDDLES, OLD CHAPS? WOT WOT?"
Time moves differently while traveling through the multiverse, but the locomotive turned out to be chatty so their trip seemed to be taking longer than usual. It didn't help that he was now trying on various accents to amuse them.
"Not now, Shane." 536 said. "Man, this guy is a pain."
"That's the truth." Vengy said, clearly annoyed.
536 laid out a series of papers on a small table onboard the train.
"Okay so Zealot had been sending negative energy across the multiverse, specifically worlds that we've been to. I've had a lot of time to think this out, and I think we have to make positive changes to those worlds, which should eliminate the negative energy and let us travel to the negaverse."
The Avenger laughed to himself.
"Putting right what once went wrong! Just like Quantum Leap!"
"I still don't know what that is."
"Are you sure?"
"ALRIGHT PILGRIMS, WE'VE SADDLED UP TO OUR FIRST DESTINATION."
The digital sign above the entrance noted that this was Earth #149. The Avenger pulled a small notepad from his pocket and frantically flipped through it.
"I've never been here before!" He said, worried that their trip was already a bust.
"I have. It's where I got fit." 536 added, patting his flat stomach with pride. "It's impossible not to be ripped in this world. Their gyms are INSANE. You go out there and remember we can't stay long. Make a change and go."
536 thought for a moment and then pointed at Vengy's notepad.
"What is that anyway?"
Time moves differently while traveling through the multiverse, but the locomotive turned out to be chatty so their trip seemed to be taking longer than usual. It didn't help that he was now trying on various accents to amuse them.
"Not now, Shane." 536 said. "Man, this guy is a pain."
"That's the truth." Vengy said, clearly annoyed.
536 laid out a series of papers on a small table onboard the train.
"Okay so Zealot had been sending negative energy across the multiverse, specifically worlds that we've been to. I've had a lot of time to think this out, and I think we have to make positive changes to those worlds, which should eliminate the negative energy and let us travel to the negaverse."
The Avenger laughed to himself.
"Putting right what once went wrong! Just like Quantum Leap!"
"I still don't know what that is."
"Are you sure?"
"ALRIGHT PILGRIMS, WE'VE SADDLED UP TO OUR FIRST DESTINATION."
The digital sign above the entrance noted that this was Earth #149. The Avenger pulled a small notepad from his pocket and frantically flipped through it.
"I've never been here before!" He said, worried that their trip was already a bust.
"I have. It's where I got fit." 536 added, patting his flat stomach with pride. "It's impossible not to be ripped in this world. Their gyms are INSANE. You go out there and remember we can't stay long. Make a change and go."
536 thought for a moment and then pointed at Vengy's notepad.
"What is that anyway?"
Vengy shrugged. "It's my AvengerVerse Bible. It's how I keep track of where I've been!"
"AvengerVerse?"
"It sounded like a good idea at the time."
Avenger ran to the door and practically leaped out, to find the train had crashed through the wall of what appeared to be a police station. Specifically, according to the sign, the SCPD Interrogation room. A man with feathered hair was still attempting to grill a suspect, even with the bizarre circumstances. Vengy seemed to recognize him.
"Matt Knox! With...a bad wig!"
The man turned around and fixed his hair, annoyed with the lawbreaking scumbag that just broke into a police station.
"That's Mike Thunder, dirtball. And I'm..."
Before he could threaten our hero with his usual police tactics, the suspect jumped on his back and began to choke him.
"I told you! I don't know where the Magician is!"
"Kid, meet the Greek. She's gonna tell me what I want to know or I'm going to..."
'The Greek', which Vengy assumed wasn't her real name, squeezed tighter and cut off Thunder's oxygen. Vengy, realizing he had to act quickly, unleashed a SUPERHERO KICK to the woman, knocking her off of Thunder. The man of the law got up, adjusted himself and then forced The Greek back into her seat.
"Now you stay there and know your place," said Thunder, not realizing how sexist he sounded. The Avenger agreed.
"Dude, women are not objects! Ladies can do stuff now!"
Thunder was distracted again. His partner was not around and he was not used to dealing with pushback from anyone but the chief. The Greek got back up and promptly kicked him in the privates, which may be Thunder's biggest weakness. He dropped to his knees and then laid on his side. He may have been crying, but we'll never know. The Greek got up and placed her high heeled boot on Thunder's face.
"The masked man is right. We have agency. Now I run things around here."
Thunder, who had never been treated this way, did little to resist when the Greek grabbed hm by the scruff of his collar and yanked him up. She then...wait this can't be right. Kissed him? Yes, she kissed him and he returned it. In fact, the two began to make out right there on the interrogation table. It was quite a messy makeout session too.
The Avenger prodded the pair with his boot. He wasn't sure what to do, but he was uncomfortable. They did not react. The Greek was too busy biting Thunder's ear. Our hero, who did not want his big story to include a sex scene, backed away quickly and boarded the train. But not before he had some final words to say.
"This is absolutely disgusting, but you'd better use protection! Although, I guess you never do."
Vengy stepped backward and the train doors closed. In the background, Joe Tahoe could be seen walking by. He glanced at what was going on, rolled his eyes and kept moving. The train took off, barreling toward its next destination.
536 looked at his MR, pleased with the result. "It looks like you did it, Vengy! What did you do?"
"I think I introduced the world to feminism?"
"I somehow doubt that."
"Well then I definitely made two people fall in love."
"HE WAS DEFINITELY LOVING HER A LONG TIME, COMPADRES!"
The train kept racing, but it seemed in the grand scheme of things, the next world wasn't that far from this one. Our heroes had no time to get settled before the locomotive lurched to a halt, with the digital sign noting this was Earth #8. Vengy quickly pulled out his notepad again and this time found the corresponding universe.
"Oh great...Children of the Corn II."
"Is this the one where you assaulted a child?"
The Avenger frowned, fearing he would never live down that dark period in his history. "You mean the robot child that was forcing everyone to remain kids forever before I stopped it? YES."
"You didn't know it was a robot."
Vengy pouted, but facts are facts. He did not, in fact, know it was a robot when he kicked it. The robot at the time had captured Sam and was emitting radiation that caused everyone to de-age.
"Well," 536 said. "They were teenagers when we left, so maybe everything will be normal now." He followed Vengy to the exit and walked out first, before he shrieked. After a few moments, he walked back in, absolutely soaked.
"AvengerVerse?"
"It sounded like a good idea at the time."
Avenger ran to the door and practically leaped out, to find the train had crashed through the wall of what appeared to be a police station. Specifically, according to the sign, the SCPD Interrogation room. A man with feathered hair was still attempting to grill a suspect, even with the bizarre circumstances. Vengy seemed to recognize him.
"Matt Knox! With...a bad wig!"
The man turned around and fixed his hair, annoyed with the lawbreaking scumbag that just broke into a police station.
"That's Mike Thunder, dirtball. And I'm..."
Before he could threaten our hero with his usual police tactics, the suspect jumped on his back and began to choke him.
"I told you! I don't know where the Magician is!"
"Kid, meet the Greek. She's gonna tell me what I want to know or I'm going to..."
'The Greek', which Vengy assumed wasn't her real name, squeezed tighter and cut off Thunder's oxygen. Vengy, realizing he had to act quickly, unleashed a SUPERHERO KICK to the woman, knocking her off of Thunder. The man of the law got up, adjusted himself and then forced The Greek back into her seat.
"Now you stay there and know your place," said Thunder, not realizing how sexist he sounded. The Avenger agreed.
"Dude, women are not objects! Ladies can do stuff now!"
Thunder was distracted again. His partner was not around and he was not used to dealing with pushback from anyone but the chief. The Greek got back up and promptly kicked him in the privates, which may be Thunder's biggest weakness. He dropped to his knees and then laid on his side. He may have been crying, but we'll never know. The Greek got up and placed her high heeled boot on Thunder's face.
"The masked man is right. We have agency. Now I run things around here."
Thunder, who had never been treated this way, did little to resist when the Greek grabbed hm by the scruff of his collar and yanked him up. She then...wait this can't be right. Kissed him? Yes, she kissed him and he returned it. In fact, the two began to make out right there on the interrogation table. It was quite a messy makeout session too.
The Avenger prodded the pair with his boot. He wasn't sure what to do, but he was uncomfortable. They did not react. The Greek was too busy biting Thunder's ear. Our hero, who did not want his big story to include a sex scene, backed away quickly and boarded the train. But not before he had some final words to say.
"This is absolutely disgusting, but you'd better use protection! Although, I guess you never do."
Vengy stepped backward and the train doors closed. In the background, Joe Tahoe could be seen walking by. He glanced at what was going on, rolled his eyes and kept moving. The train took off, barreling toward its next destination.
536 looked at his MR, pleased with the result. "It looks like you did it, Vengy! What did you do?"
"I think I introduced the world to feminism?"
"I somehow doubt that."
"Well then I definitely made two people fall in love."
"HE WAS DEFINITELY LOVING HER A LONG TIME, COMPADRES!"
The train kept racing, but it seemed in the grand scheme of things, the next world wasn't that far from this one. Our heroes had no time to get settled before the locomotive lurched to a halt, with the digital sign noting this was Earth #8. Vengy quickly pulled out his notepad again and this time found the corresponding universe.
"Oh great...Children of the Corn II."
"Is this the one where you assaulted a child?"
The Avenger frowned, fearing he would never live down that dark period in his history. "You mean the robot child that was forcing everyone to remain kids forever before I stopped it? YES."
"You didn't know it was a robot."
Vengy pouted, but facts are facts. He did not, in fact, know it was a robot when he kicked it. The robot at the time had captured Sam and was emitting radiation that caused everyone to de-age.
"Well," 536 said. "They were teenagers when we left, so maybe everything will be normal now." He followed Vengy to the exit and walked out first, before he shrieked. After a few moments, he walked back in, absolutely soaked.
"You go."
He walked back to his seat and sat down. The Avenger looked at him, but he shook his head .Vengy shrugged his shoulders and then went out the door. He was greeted by a group of children, who were busy refilling water balloons. A familiar looking one was in the background, wearing a crown and holding a hockey stick. On the ground, chalk drawings of our hero, only he was made to look like a snarling monster.
"Ezra! Lacklan! Craig! Brooke! Throw the water balloons at him! The Green Man can't stop us again!"
The group of kids looked like people you may have seen before, except younger. Except Ezra, he looked about the same.
He walked back to his seat and sat down. The Avenger looked at him, but he shook his head .Vengy shrugged his shoulders and then went out the door. He was greeted by a group of children, who were busy refilling water balloons. A familiar looking one was in the background, wearing a crown and holding a hockey stick. On the ground, chalk drawings of our hero, only he was made to look like a snarling monster.
"Ezra! Lacklan! Craig! Brooke! Throw the water balloons at him! The Green Man can't stop us again!"
The group of kids looked like people you may have seen before, except younger. Except Ezra, he looked about the same.
"FIRE, MY DUDES!" Ezra shouted, grabbing ammo from his skateboard.
"FOR THE KING!" Craig added, dressed like a pony for some reason. He was only wearing the top half of the costume. If there was a bottom half, none of the other kids wanted to wear it.
They threw their balloons at Vengy, who lifted up his cape to protect himself. Some broke, some bounced off and broke on the ground. Our hero lowered his cape and was clearly annoyed. He pointed at their King, sitting on top of the jungle gym. He moved past the kids, who were throwing balloons to no effect.
"I thought I fixed things here! No more Kid World."
Lacklan ran up and kicked him in the shin, and when he turned around she stood defiantly, even in pigtails. She stuck out her tongue at him. "We hated being grown-ups! Being grown-ups is lame. Who wants to pay TAXES?"
Vengy admitted to himself that was a very good point.
Ezra was busy preparing what looked like a stink bomb. He tried to sneak up on Vengy, but his skateboard clattered and Vengy gently removed the object and tossed it aside.
"We rebuilt it, bro! We had the technology! We want to be kids forever!"
Vengy kept moving towards the robot-child-king. Our hero was too quiet for the King's liking, who began to look scared. As scared as a robot could be, anyway. The children were now behind Vengy, unable to stop an adult from doing anything. They all began to cry. The Avenger is now making children cry. I thought we were done with your awful misdeeds.
"Do not disassemble!" The King said, clutching at its front panel.
Avenger stared down at the King and reached for him. Oh reader, he's going to traumatize these poor kids by destroying their robot friend. They'll carry that trauma into their adulthood and lead sad, mentally ill lives until they...
"FOR THE KING!" Craig added, dressed like a pony for some reason. He was only wearing the top half of the costume. If there was a bottom half, none of the other kids wanted to wear it.
They threw their balloons at Vengy, who lifted up his cape to protect himself. Some broke, some bounced off and broke on the ground. Our hero lowered his cape and was clearly annoyed. He pointed at their King, sitting on top of the jungle gym. He moved past the kids, who were throwing balloons to no effect.
"I thought I fixed things here! No more Kid World."
Lacklan ran up and kicked him in the shin, and when he turned around she stood defiantly, even in pigtails. She stuck out her tongue at him. "We hated being grown-ups! Being grown-ups is lame. Who wants to pay TAXES?"
Vengy admitted to himself that was a very good point.
Ezra was busy preparing what looked like a stink bomb. He tried to sneak up on Vengy, but his skateboard clattered and Vengy gently removed the object and tossed it aside.
"We rebuilt it, bro! We had the technology! We want to be kids forever!"
Vengy kept moving towards the robot-child-king. Our hero was too quiet for the King's liking, who began to look scared. As scared as a robot could be, anyway. The children were now behind Vengy, unable to stop an adult from doing anything. They all began to cry. The Avenger is now making children cry. I thought we were done with your awful misdeeds.
"Do not disassemble!" The King said, clutching at its front panel.
Avenger stared down at the King and reached for him. Oh reader, he's going to traumatize these poor kids by destroying their robot friend. They'll carry that trauma into their adulthood and lead sad, mentally ill lives until they...
The Avenger then hugged the robot.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry I broke you. I was trying to save my friend and thought you were a villain. But if you want this world to be this way, you have no need to fear The Green Man."
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry I broke you. I was trying to save my friend and thought you were a villain. But if you want this world to be this way, you have no need to fear The Green Man."
The robot was confused at first, but it could feel emotions enough to know fear. And enough to know to hug our hero back.
"Thank you," the King said. "Everyone! The Green Man is no longer our enemy!"
The kids all began to cheer and more of them, who had been hiding upon Vengy's arrival, began to come out of various places. The Avenger was surrounded by the Citizens of this world, who decided being an adult sucked and they'd rather play with a robot for the rest of their lives.
Our hero smiled and walked back across the playground, stepping onto the train. 536 greeted him, having changed into dryer clothes.
"It says we can go now. What did you do?"
"I guess I made it so they don't have to be afraid anymore. We really were the baddies."
"Well, YOU were."
Vengy rolled his eyes and waved at the children before getting back on the train.
The kids all began to cheer and more of them, who had been hiding upon Vengy's arrival, began to come out of various places. The Avenger was surrounded by the Citizens of this world, who decided being an adult sucked and they'd rather play with a robot for the rest of their lives.
Our hero smiled and walked back across the playground, stepping onto the train. 536 greeted him, having changed into dryer clothes.
"It says we can go now. What did you do?"
"I guess I made it so they don't have to be afraid anymore. We really were the baddies."
"Well, YOU were."
Vengy rolled his eyes and waved at the children before getting back on the train.
---(A)---
Earth #43 shimmed and shook before a train began to roll inside of a mansion that will be familiar to longtime readers. Luckily, the late Ms. Boddy was rich enough that her mansion could fit a train inside of its lobby without causing a lot of damage. No wonder someone offed her for her money. Phrixus Green, who ended up inheriting the mansion through a series of unfortunate events after the butler allegedly killed her, seemed to take no notice.
It could be the opium he was smoking. It was probably the opium. But Mr. Green was a very fearful man, especially after someone that looked just like him left this world with the butler and left his reputation ruined.
"Scopophobia," he mused, inhaling again.
His new butler, Lawrence, looked way too fit for his line of work but came in just the same. "Is that you I heard tactfully speaking, sir?"
Phrixus pointed at the train. "Siderodromophobia," he added, as if that made perfect sense. Mr. Green could only speak in phobias anymore, as a result of the opium and the anxiety.
Finally, 536 and The Avenger stepped off of Shane the Train. Vengy then looked at Phrixus and was shocked.
"He DOES look just like me!"
536 put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's change something for the better here and get out. We've got to start streamlining this process."
It could be the opium he was smoking. It was probably the opium. But Mr. Green was a very fearful man, especially after someone that looked just like him left this world with the butler and left his reputation ruined.
"Scopophobia," he mused, inhaling again.
His new butler, Lawrence, looked way too fit for his line of work but came in just the same. "Is that you I heard tactfully speaking, sir?"
Phrixus pointed at the train. "Siderodromophobia," he added, as if that made perfect sense. Mr. Green could only speak in phobias anymore, as a result of the opium and the anxiety.
Finally, 536 and The Avenger stepped off of Shane the Train. Vengy then looked at Phrixus and was shocked.
"He DOES look just like me!"
536 put a hand on his shoulder. "Let's change something for the better here and get out. We've got to start streamlining this process."
Suddenly, similar to back on 616, lightning began to crackle and a portal opened, only for a moth-like figure stepped out, holding a thin, frail version of the Avenger in his arms. The mothman wore a top hat and looked like it was dressed for a Las Vegas magic show.
"You have lost the game, Avenger" Mothman Cervantes chittered. He came from the HorrorVerse of Earth #312, while his Avenger came from Earth #2. Whatever battle they engaged in, the Avenger did indeed lose. He was too weak to speak.
"Lepidopterophobia!" Green shouted, scrambling. Lawrence had set down his tray and was rolling up his sleeves, preparing for a fight.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sirs," he said.
Suddenly, our Avenger stepped forward and shouted at everyone in the room. "What the heck is going on here? What's with the guy only saying words that don't contribute to the story? And are we giving EVERYONE speaking lines? There's not enough colors for that! And I'm all for silly things but a TALKING BUG MAGICIAN IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!"
And suddenly, The Avenger pointed skyward.
"Oh no you don't, you don't get to just narrate like you never have a clue what's going on. Why is there a mothman here? What positive change am I supposed to make here?"
The narrator had no idea what our hero was talking about. All I do is narrate.
The Mothman glared at Vengy. "I have destroyed one Avenger, I am not afraid to destroy more."
"Oh my god, SHUT UP! Dang it! This story is too massive and there's too many people! And I get it, the variants we're meeting are like people in the Open, VERY CLEVER! But you know what? AvengerVerse started out as me trying to stop one bad guy and it's been like, several years and there's a negaverse and all these different worlds and I'm TIRED. Can't I just do normal street crime like everyone else? The lore is too much! It's bogging everything down. What do we think we are? The MCU?"
Mothman grew tired of Avenger's rant and moved upon him, but Vengy had enough. He unleashed the most brutal SUPERHERO KICK he ever gave, and the moth went down hard.
"Moths aren't scary!"
Vengy pressed a button on the Mothman's stolen MR, opening a portal, before shoving the thing inside and smashing the device. He then moved over to Mr. Green.
"Herophobia!"
Vengy grabbed Green's opium hookah and smashed it on the ground.
"Drugs are bad for you!"
Mr. Green fell out of his chair in fear and fainted. Vengy then moved to the weakened Avenger of Earth 2 and pointed at 536.
"Pick him up! We're taking him back with us!"
536 moved to do as he was told, picking the weakened Avenger up with little effort. Avenger walked up to Lawrence, who seemed ready to fight. Vengy stuck a finger in his face.
"And YOU! You...well you seem like a good guy, actually. Keep up the good work. #TactFacts!"
As Avenger turned around to leave, another portal began to open right in front of him. As it did, Jason Cashe of Earth #42 stepped forward - bright-eyed, sober, clean-shaven.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the greatest recording artist to ever live....JONATHAN BLADE!"
"You have lost the game, Avenger" Mothman Cervantes chittered. He came from the HorrorVerse of Earth #312, while his Avenger came from Earth #2. Whatever battle they engaged in, the Avenger did indeed lose. He was too weak to speak.
"Lepidopterophobia!" Green shouted, scrambling. Lawrence had set down his tray and was rolling up his sleeves, preparing for a fight.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, sirs," he said.
Suddenly, our Avenger stepped forward and shouted at everyone in the room. "What the heck is going on here? What's with the guy only saying words that don't contribute to the story? And are we giving EVERYONE speaking lines? There's not enough colors for that! And I'm all for silly things but a TALKING BUG MAGICIAN IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE!"
And suddenly, The Avenger pointed skyward.
"Oh no you don't, you don't get to just narrate like you never have a clue what's going on. Why is there a mothman here? What positive change am I supposed to make here?"
The narrator had no idea what our hero was talking about. All I do is narrate.
The Mothman glared at Vengy. "I have destroyed one Avenger, I am not afraid to destroy more."
"Oh my god, SHUT UP! Dang it! This story is too massive and there's too many people! And I get it, the variants we're meeting are like people in the Open, VERY CLEVER! But you know what? AvengerVerse started out as me trying to stop one bad guy and it's been like, several years and there's a negaverse and all these different worlds and I'm TIRED. Can't I just do normal street crime like everyone else? The lore is too much! It's bogging everything down. What do we think we are? The MCU?"
Mothman grew tired of Avenger's rant and moved upon him, but Vengy had enough. He unleashed the most brutal SUPERHERO KICK he ever gave, and the moth went down hard.
"Moths aren't scary!"
Vengy pressed a button on the Mothman's stolen MR, opening a portal, before shoving the thing inside and smashing the device. He then moved over to Mr. Green.
"Herophobia!"
Vengy grabbed Green's opium hookah and smashed it on the ground.
"Drugs are bad for you!"
Mr. Green fell out of his chair in fear and fainted. Vengy then moved to the weakened Avenger of Earth 2 and pointed at 536.
"Pick him up! We're taking him back with us!"
536 moved to do as he was told, picking the weakened Avenger up with little effort. Avenger walked up to Lawrence, who seemed ready to fight. Vengy stuck a finger in his face.
"And YOU! You...well you seem like a good guy, actually. Keep up the good work. #TactFacts!"
As Avenger turned around to leave, another portal began to open right in front of him. As it did, Jason Cashe of Earth #42 stepped forward - bright-eyed, sober, clean-shaven.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the greatest recording artist to ever live....JONATHAN BLADE!"
"My Time is Now" played from inside the portal and out stepped the John Blade of that universe.
"I lost again in the multiverse
Hell no I ain't happy!
And now I've gotta fight the Avenger
How crappy!"
Hell no I ain't happy!
And now I've gotta fight the Avenger
How crappy!"
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Avenger shouted, immediately shoving both Cashe and Blade through the portal, which closed behind them. "This story's had enough cameos, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"
With that, Vengy turned around and left this world again, taking his counterparts from Earths #2 and #536 with him. The train moved forward, shattering reality yet again. Mr. Green would wake up and assume the whole thing was a drug-induced dream, then get sober in the weeks ahead. Lawrence would quit his job as a butler but the two would remain friends until their final days. But that's a story for another day.
---(A)---
"Wow Vengy," 536 said, amazed. "I didn't think you had it in you."
The Avenger was laying on the ground, having given up his seat for his Earth #2 counterpart. The train was now rolling along, propelled by the boost in positive energy.
"I...I just want to save Sam. I think he deserves it. I think we all do."
"Well I have good news, you managed to defeat a monster, save a life, end someone's drug addiction and boost someone's self-esteem. That much positivity at once has supercharged the MR...I think we might be..."
The train then spoke up, confirming what 536 was going to say. It chose a surfer dialect this time.
"LIKE, RADICAL DUDES! WE HAVE ARRIVED AT OUR DESTINATION! HOUSEWARES, WOMEN'S GARMENTS AND THE NEGAVERSE! CHAAAA!"
The Avenger was laying on the ground, having given up his seat for his Earth #2 counterpart. The train was now rolling along, propelled by the boost in positive energy.
"I...I just want to save Sam. I think he deserves it. I think we all do."
"Well I have good news, you managed to defeat a monster, save a life, end someone's drug addiction and boost someone's self-esteem. That much positivity at once has supercharged the MR...I think we might be..."
The train then spoke up, confirming what 536 was going to say. It chose a surfer dialect this time.
"LIKE, RADICAL DUDES! WE HAVE ARRIVED AT OUR DESTINATION! HOUSEWARES, WOMEN'S GARMENTS AND THE NEGAVERSE! CHAAAA!"
The two looked out the windows and saw...
THE NEGAVERSE. A place where ideas go to die. If there's ever been a plan, a story, a song, whatever that never got finished, it ended up here. Your best friend's plans to attend medical school that fell through? Probably here. That Godzilla movie Stan Winston did a design for? It's here. That novel you wanted to write but real life kept you from doing it? It's here. It's a perpetually negative place, where there is no hope and no chance of success.
Even apocalyptic worlds are better than this place. It's a void with half-formed universes that all constantly crash and merge into each other. Anything from the main multiverse eventually fades away because a fully-realized idea cannot exist in a place where there is only disappointment and what might have been.
This is the world of Zealot. It is all Zealot ever knew. Which is why when he saw the hope the Avenger was bringing through his multiverse adventures, he escaped. He escaped and tried to extinguish that light. The Avenger kicked him into a burning wicker statue and left him to die.
Even apocalyptic worlds are better than this place. It's a void with half-formed universes that all constantly crash and merge into each other. Anything from the main multiverse eventually fades away because a fully-realized idea cannot exist in a place where there is only disappointment and what might have been.
This is the world of Zealot. It is all Zealot ever knew. Which is why when he saw the hope the Avenger was bringing through his multiverse adventures, he escaped. He escaped and tried to extinguish that light. The Avenger kicked him into a burning wicker statue and left him to die.
It's where the Evil Avenger took Sam Action, Avenger's best friend.
536 and Vengy looked out the windows of Shane the Train and saw the total chaos that this universe brought with it. Lighting crackled and turned to snow. Imaginary friends fought each other to the death.
The particular area they were in seemed to be safe enough, it was a half-finished world that seemed to be a little more whimsical than most.
"Okay," 536 started. "This place is dangerous. We're not meant to be here. Nothing real is meant to be here. That's why it's so hard to get here."
"So go in, grab Sam, get out. How do we even find him? What if he's..."
"Don't talk like that, Vengy. We'll find him. Shane should have taken us to his last known location."
The particular area they were in seemed to be safe enough, it was a half-finished world that seemed to be a little more whimsical than most.
"Okay," 536 started. "This place is dangerous. We're not meant to be here. Nothing real is meant to be here. That's why it's so hard to get here."
"So go in, grab Sam, get out. How do we even find him? What if he's..."
"Don't talk like that, Vengy. We'll find him. Shane should have taken us to his last known location."
While this section of a world seemed more colorful than most, the rest of the anarchy was clearly visible. Even in this area, it reeked of death. In particular a pile of ashes that took up much of the floor, which were blacker than it was possible to describe.
"This place is scary", our hero noted. "But I don't see anyone..."
The two looked around and neither seemed to notice movement near the corner. The ashes pulsated and shook until finally a hand sprang out. A pale, sickly, evil hand. A figure began to climb out of the blackness and his voice pierced the void. It was enough to make our heroes instantly turn in the direction, completely shocked and horrified by what they saw.
"This place is scary", our hero noted. "But I don't see anyone..."
The two looked around and neither seemed to notice movement near the corner. The ashes pulsated and shook until finally a hand sprang out. A pale, sickly, evil hand. A figure began to climb out of the blackness and his voice pierced the void. It was enough to make our heroes instantly turn in the direction, completely shocked and horrified by what they saw.
"In the light of the day I was writhing and burning
And the nightmare I had was as fun as can be
It pleasured me out of my wits
and I touched my naughty bits!
Then I opened my eyes
And the nightmare was, me..."
It was Zealot. Or what was left of him. He was charred, covered in soot, disfigured...but somehow still alive.
"And he's singing! Oh my god this world used to be a musical! NOOOOOOOO!"
"And he's singing! Oh my god this world used to be a musical! NOOOOOOOO!"
"I was once the most evil man in all of this multiverse
When the heroes betrayed me they mad a mistake
My curse took their friend away...
But one little Avenger got away!
Little Vengy, beware
Zealot's awake!"
Shadowy figures come out of the ash, looking more imp-like than humanoid, clearly under Zealot's control. They sang as well...
"In the dark of the night evil will find him
In the dark of the night just before dawn!"
"Revenge will be sweet
When that bitch I will beat!!"
"In the dark of the night
he'll be doomed!"
From there, Zealot began to reform. His appearance was still ghoul-like, but no more than he already had been before the fire. He grinned at our heroes.
"I can feel that my powers are returning
I will expedite that bastard's trip into hell!
As my plan fall into place
I'll see him despair in disgrace...
Hasta La Vista, Avenger, Your Face
FAREWELLLLllLLlLllLLLLL..."
The song started to grow into an elaborate production, as the ashy minions in the background danced. Red, evil energy crackled around Zealot.
"In the dark of the night terror will bitch smack him!!"
"Terror's the least I can do!"
"In the dark of the night evil will accrue..."
"Soon he will feel that his failures are real."
"In the dark of the night"
"He'll be FUCKED!!!"
"He can't say that!" Avenger shouted.
"He can say whatever he wants! This is his world!"
The imps began to dance in a conga line, which concerned even Zealot.
"In the dark of the night
Evil will find him
FIND HIM
Ooh!
In the dark of the night terror comes true.
DOOM HIM"
Zealot then shrugged and joined the conga line.
"My bitch, here's a sign
It's the end of your tiiiiiiiime..."
"In the dark of the night
In the dark of the night
In the dark of the night"
"Come my minions
Find that rat bastard...
Let your evil shine
Bring him nooowwww
Yes, fly ever faster."
"In the dark of the night
In the dark of the night
In the dark of the night"
"It's cancellation time!!!"
They then begin to push the train backward, towards the ledge of the world, intended to send it into the void.
"Hey! Stop!" Avenger shouted, turning back to run towards them, but Zealot suddenly appeared right in front of him. More ash minions flew in from elsewhere, carrying an evil Avenger from earth #161, who was holding onto an unconscious Sam Action. Evil Avenger opened his mouth to speak, but out came insane gibbering. He held a blaster of some kind to Sam's head. Both looked to be in poor health due to the Negaverse's effects. The minions dropped the pair on the other side of Avenger. On one side, a train with one best friend. On the other side, the best friend he had been looking for.
In the middle, our hero and Zealot. Zealot stared at Avenger and hot Aveng...
"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU MONOLOGUING PRAT!"
...
"Thank you. Now. Look at what we have here...Finally. What happened? Did you lose your remote control?"
"Did he really silence the narrator?"
"The who?"
"The guy who...nevermind."
Psst, Vengy...the bad guys have guns!
"You know what? I take it back. Keep talking. It's the only way to get these idiots to follow the plot..." Zealot gestured between the unconscious Sam and Avenger 536 and smirked. "You know there were millions of ways I saw this going, but quite frankly I am not your typical villain. Never have been. So I'm just gonna do something that no other villain would dare throw at you Vengy. I'm going to give you a choice. A simple choice. And then you have to live with the consequences. In this corner you got your beloved Sam Action and in this corner another friend of yours! The choice is simple Vengy. You get to pick. Not enough time to save them both...Which one will it be Vengy? Your Best Friend...Or Another Friend? You got ten seconds to choose..."
"Did you get this from Spider-Man?" Avenger asked.
"I was gonna say Batman Forever."
"I WILL MURDER YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IF YOU SPEAK ILL OF JOEL SCHUMACHER'S MASTERPIECE IN MY PRESENCE!!!" Zealot growled, giving a death glare to 536.
"I was gonna say Batman Forever."
"I WILL MURDER YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IF YOU SPEAK ILL OF JOEL SCHUMACHER'S MASTERPIECE IN MY PRESENCE!!!" Zealot growled, giving a death glare to 536.
The Avenger, meanwhile, looked back at Sam. Then he looked forward at the train with 536 still on it, minions ready to push.
"Oh come on! It's not that hard. It's easy. Pick the one that matters most. We all do it. You see. That's your problem. You wanna be the hero, but when it comes to the hard decisions you always choke like a bitch!"
"Stop cursing..." Vengy said quietly. He dropped to his knees. He truly did not know what to do.
"Then stop being an indecisive little bitch! You walk around here acting like you are better than everyone else, but in the end we all know the truth. You're a loser pushing loser ideals and wondering why the hell you lose. It's all this toxic positivity that is just pure grade A Bullshit! Now my trigger finger is getting itchy...so you got till the count of five...ONE!!!
TWO...
THREE!!!
FOUR!!!...TICK TOCK...MAKE A DECISION!!!
It seemed like all was lost. Until...
It seemed like all was lost. Until...
"Wait..." The Avenger's head tilted upward. "Did you say TOXIC positivity?" Even Vengy, who hasn't been the brightest superhero in the multiverse, latched onto the most important part of Zealot's ravings. "There's...there's nothing toxic about positivity. What's wrong with hope? What's wrong with being kind? What's wrong with being a good person? Showing compassion for others?"
The ground began to crackle around him. For the first time ever, even though no one saw it, Zealot began to show an ounce of fear.
"I am not!...Y-you shut your face..."
Oh I'm going to enjoy this. Avenger got to his feet, green energy radiating around him. He began to lift off the ground although he wasn't aware of it until just now. He saw himself flying and realized that Zealot wasn't just scared now. As a toxic, negative being, he'd ALWAYS been scared of the hope Avenger had. And fear was powerful in the Negaverse. It was giving Avenger power.
"Now...let's talk about this...come on...you can't tell me that you haven't felt negative with losing your friend and this impossible choice. Come on...You can't be this positive! It's bad!"
Vengy continued. "Positive energy is bad? Positivity is bad? I think you just say that because you're nothing but negativity. You know what your problem is? You could use a little hope! There's nothing wrong with wishful thinking. In fact...I'm the KING of Wishful Thinking!"
You know Vengy...I think you can do anything here.
"Anything? Like maybe...sing?"
Well maybe not...
"TOO LATE!"
Trumpets and brass horns began to sound, seemingly out of nowhere, and yes, The Avenger is about to have his very own musical number. Hold your applause.
"Well Wrestlestock's a big tournament
And that's where I'd rather be
But instead I'm fighting a great big jerk
Saving Sam and reality
I've been to the world where shrimps rule all
Kicked a mothman in his fuzzy face
When I'm done here I'm gonna have a ball
Winning the Open in the desert today
Mr. Sam Action, sir, you mean the world to me
Let me kick this bozo, take him down
Wrestling's never had heroes like me, ha ha ha!
I'm goofy and I'm fun, some might say I'm too silly
But when it's time to get the job done
Wrestling's never heroes like me!"
Time seemed to stand still as Avenger flew through the air, racing past Zealot and flying though ash minion after ash minion, turning them into the dust they were born from. Zealot was too stunned to give any orders.
"Matt Knox, John Blade and LACKLAN
Jason Cashe, Montague, Deimos
Brooke Blakely thinks she's got a chance
But I'm the one the fans love the most
Try to bet on Atara, put your money on Larry Tact
I think that's rude, but you do you
Wrestling's never had heroes like me!
Ezra Wolf? Oh no.
Craig Cogan? No way!
Your pal Vengy? 'Fraid so!"
Avenger flew in front of the train and cracked his hands together in a clapping motion, the energized wind immediately disintegrating every last imp.
"Could any of them save this?
Could any of them win a lot?
Can any of them hear a voice
That tells us the entire plot?
Could any of them save Sam?
Well looky here! Ha ha!
Do you really think they could win this Open
When you've got a superhero standing here?"
He turned his attention to Evil Avenger, who had thrown Sam down and ran towards him, firing. Vengy effortlessly dodged the blasts and landed with a skid, hitting his evil counterpart with a superhero kick so powerful it blasted him through the multiverse. He landed in Earth #65,000,000. The evil Avenger got up, dusted himself off and screamed as a giant Lucysaurus Regina (it's Latin, look it up) came in and ate him in one bite.
"So when it comes to picking winners now
Pick the guy saving the multiverse
I think sex is cringe but I have stopped
Many villains, corrupt and perverse
I'll be the people's choice, the only one
Who can get the job done in the end
Everyone else is in this for themselves
But Vengy's here to protect and defend!"
Back in the Negaverse, Avenger grabbed Sam and flew him to the train. Zealot was at a loss for words.
Mr. Sam Action, sir, I'll have you saved in a jiff
And then we'll go to the Open
Wrestling's never had heroes, never had heroes
Wrestling's never had heroes, never had heroes
Wrestling's never.
Had a.
Hero.
Liiiiike
Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Wrestling's never had a hero like me!
The Avenger landed with Sam, handing him to 536. He was then placed in the train with the weakened Avenger #2. Vengy's powers seemed to dissipate a little and he saw why. Sam was awake and looking through the window, smiling.
"Sam!"
"Vengy, man...what are YOU doing here?"
"Sam!"
"Vengy, man...what are YOU doing here?"
"I have powers now! I mean...I always had powers but..."
Sam laughed weakly, then fell back asleep. Meanwhile, Zealot finally snapped out of it.
"WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCKING HELL IN THE NAME OF CHUCK AUSTEN SELF INSERT FOR HIS WIFE BULLSHIT WAS THAT??!!!" Zealot started to spark with his red energy again. "I JUST GOT TED LASSO'D!!! I AM NOT GOING OUT LIKE THIS!"
Sparks began shooting out of his body, which could barely contain the rage and negative energy inside of it. Avenger turned around, looking at the situation and sighed.
"Shane the Train...it's time to take my friends home."
536 reached out to grab Vengy, but our hero instead took a step back. "Vengy, we're ALL leaving."
"Not me, pal. I gotta end this or he's just going to keep coming."
536 started to get off the train but Vengy pushed him back. "Vengy," he said. "You don't understand. If you even touch him with the way you are right now...positive and negative energy will cancel each other out!"
Avenger looked back at Zealot, still raging. He then eyed 536's discarded MR from earlier. He then shut the door, smiling.
"I'll be okay guys, I promise! Take them out of here, Shane!"
"WHATEVER YOU SAY AMIGO!"
The train immediately began to pull away, with 536 staring at his friend in shock. The reality around them warped and it was gone, leaving our hero alone with Zealot.
"You want to get Ted Lasso'd Zealot? I'll Ted Lasso the crap outta you!"
"You want to get Ted Lasso'd Zealot? I'll Ted Lasso the crap outta you!"
Zealot shot red energy out of his eyes right at Vengy's head, but our hero tilted it just enough that it only removed a few strands of hair. He scooped up the MR and then started to float in the air again.
"THIS IS THE NEGAVERSE BITCH!!! I AM GONNA OBLITERATE YOU FROM EXISTENCE!!"
Zealot fired another shot and Vengy simply ducked it. "STAND STILL SO I CAN FUCKING DELETE YOU!!"
"THIS IS THE NEGAVERSE BITCH!!! I AM GONNA OBLITERATE YOU FROM EXISTENCE!!"
Zealot fired another shot and Vengy simply ducked it. "STAND STILL SO I CAN FUCKING DELETE YOU!!"
"Language!"
Zealot was at a loss for words again and simply screamed. The Avenger flew forward and stopped right in front of his arch nemesis. The energy from both men began to crackle and cause flames to fall to the ground. The Avenger of Earth #616, champion of the multiverse, saw this and knew what he had to do. He smiled.
"You know what Zealot? I think your problem is your mom didn't hug you enough!"
Before Zealot could react, Avenger lunged forward and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Damn it," Zealot said, choking. "I knew you were a hugger..."
"Damn it," Zealot said, choking. "I knew you were a hugger..."
Cracks began to appear on Zealot and he started to crumble against Avenger's embrace. A light surrounded them both and enveloped them, blinding out everything. When the darkness returned to the negaverse...there was nothing.
---(A)---
The setting was just outside Wrestlestock in the Sonoran Desert. Shane the Train pulled in over the parking lot, nearly smashing an entire row of cars. It narrowly missed them. Sam Action stepped off, weak but recovering. 536 climbed off as well, carrying Avenger #2.
"Shane," 536 said quietly. "Can you go back and get them?"
"NOT WITHOUT ZE DEVICE AND ZAT POSITIVE ENERGY, MON AMI!"
Sam sat down in the parking lot, barely taking notice of the hot cement. His clothes were in tatters and he was noticeably thinner than he had been. He looked older, too. But he was alive.
"Man...I can't believe he's gone."
536 started to fight back tears as Shane had begun his departure. He set Avenger #2, who was still unconscious, next to Action.
"No," he said. "I'll make a new multiversal remote. I'll signal the train again. I'll..." He then sat down on Sam's other side. "This world doesn't have the technology," he said quietly. Sam put an arm around his back and held him.
"Shane," 536 said quietly. "Can you go back and get them?"
"NOT WITHOUT ZE DEVICE AND ZAT POSITIVE ENERGY, MON AMI!"
Sam sat down in the parking lot, barely taking notice of the hot cement. His clothes were in tatters and he was noticeably thinner than he had been. He looked older, too. But he was alive.
"Man...I can't believe he's gone."
536 started to fight back tears as Shane had begun his departure. He set Avenger #2, who was still unconscious, next to Action.
"No," he said. "I'll make a new multiversal remote. I'll signal the train again. I'll..." He then sat down on Sam's other side. "This world doesn't have the technology," he said quietly. Sam put an arm around his back and held him.
Behind them, the summer heat made the ground appear as though it were shimmering. Then the ground really did begin to shimmer. Then sparks start lighting up the area, with wind blowing. One lightning bolt went right through the windshield of a car, lighting its insides on fire. That's when a portal opened and...
An Avenger stepped out, wearing a lab coat. He had white hair and his own MR.
"Sam Action! You've got to come back with me to the multiverse! It's your kids! Something's got to be done about your kids!"
"My...what?"
The white-haired Avenger then removed his wig and started laughing, revealing himself as...
"VENGY!" 536 shouted. He and Sam scrambled to their feet and rushed to their friend, embracing him in the hot summer sun. "But how?"
"Oh, I found this in one of the worlds I visited trying to get back here," Vengy said, tossing his coat and wig to the ground.
An Avenger stepped out, wearing a lab coat. He had white hair and his own MR.
"Sam Action! You've got to come back with me to the multiverse! It's your kids! Something's got to be done about your kids!"
"My...what?"
The white-haired Avenger then removed his wig and started laughing, revealing himself as...
"VENGY!" 536 shouted. He and Sam scrambled to their feet and rushed to their friend, embracing him in the hot summer sun. "But how?"
"Oh, I found this in one of the worlds I visited trying to get back here," Vengy said, tossing his coat and wig to the ground.
"Nah, man," Sam said. "What he said. The energy thing. You should be dust!"
"Yeah," Vengy said, rubbing the back of his head and chucking to himself. "I pressed the button at the last second and poofed as Zealot fell apart. I didn't think it'd work but...here we are!"
536 took a step back. "Wow...what a deus ex machina."
"I don't know what that means, but you know what?"
"What?"
"It's a comic book! This stuff happens!"
No one bothered to argue.
The MR then began to shake and spark, forcing Avenger to drop it. It landed on the ground with a thud and before anyone could react, it too began to crumble. A rare wind blew threw the Sonoran and suddenly the device was dust, blowing through the desert.
"I...guess all that energy was too much for it."
"Yo, does that mean we're trapped here?"
Avenger nodded, but he didn't seem to be unhappy with the news. For that matter, neither did any of his friends.
"This is going to change a lot."
"Well, it might cut down on cameos...but I think I've had enough of those!"
The three turned towards the entrance of Wrestlestock and decided they needed food and rest. Hey wait, Vengy...
"Yes, narrator?" Vengy said, looking at the sky again. If his friends noticed, they didn't say. What about the promo for the Open?
"Are you kidding me? That's what the song was!"
"Yeah," Vengy said, rubbing the back of his head and chucking to himself. "I pressed the button at the last second and poofed as Zealot fell apart. I didn't think it'd work but...here we are!"
536 took a step back. "Wow...what a deus ex machina."
"I don't know what that means, but you know what?"
"What?"
"It's a comic book! This stuff happens!"
No one bothered to argue.
The MR then began to shake and spark, forcing Avenger to drop it. It landed on the ground with a thud and before anyone could react, it too began to crumble. A rare wind blew threw the Sonoran and suddenly the device was dust, blowing through the desert.
"I...guess all that energy was too much for it."
"Yo, does that mean we're trapped here?"
Avenger nodded, but he didn't seem to be unhappy with the news. For that matter, neither did any of his friends.
"This is going to change a lot."
"Well, it might cut down on cameos...but I think I've had enough of those!"
The three turned towards the entrance of Wrestlestock and decided they needed food and rest. Hey wait, Vengy...
"Yes, narrator?" Vengy said, looking at the sky again. If his friends noticed, they didn't say. What about the promo for the Open?
"Are you kidding me? That's what the song was!"
END. ---(A)---
THE AVENGER WILL RETURN