All-New Avenger, Issue #4: Time to Patrol!
Thy World shall bathe in flames, first with thy arse, should you not make haste, knaveish…
Can we pause? Of course, this is my narration. Hrmph. I’ve been a bit frazzled since that Avenger narrator accosted me in this, Larry’s Tome. When was it? Who can say, my services are in high demand, and time isn’t a crutch that a narrator needs to consider. When we do, it’s mainly to allow the phenomenal stories we narrate to get through to you, ‘dear readers.’ Bah! To squeeze past those glazed over eyeballs, and make contact with your thinking parts! Nevertheless, I am here to shine. That Avenger’s weird. Ahem. Let’s try this again.
Three… two… one…
“I’m going to light a fire under your ass, if that’s what it takes to get some help, doc!” Larry shouts at the medical staff as he watches Avenger, who looks like he’s soaring among some uber bright stars after saving Larry’s bacon with his sudden heroic appearance!
“We need to check on you, Larry. The Avenger is in our team’s care, and you and JC were at each other’s throats for a while. Generally speaking,” one of the doctors faces Larry with a flick of his spectacles that makes this seem like his inconvenience to deal with, “People who have been in brawls with ‘The Bogeyman’ require some medical attention.”
Larry looks at the doctor as if he were his teenage son. “Someday, when you piss off JC with your professional opinions, you’ll understand why Vengy is the priority. He was defenseless!” he snarls in the doctor’s face because he sees the replay in his head of Vengy inexplicably getting between himself and that B-BOD. The doctor is spooked and scurries over to look at Vengy.
Larry didn’t expect anyone would save him tonight. He had been prepared to accept the consequences for facing off with ‘The Bogeyman,’ in their first UGWC encounter since WrestleStock ‘22. Larry could say a whole lot more about it – hint! – but he’s feeling for his newfound teammate and goes to Vengy after the doctor buzzes off.
“Vengy, what did they say?”
“Citizen Tact! JC hit me hard, but I am the Champion of Chaos! It’s going to take more than that to keep Vengy down.”
He wobbles a bit as he says this, then shakes his head and grins at Larry.
“Besides,” he added. “This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve suffered massive head trauma!”
“Wait, I thought you were joking about that!” Larry gives a look like he’s finding it hard to believe he’s got a real-life hero among his crew, but he’s not exactly questioning it. “I owe you, Vengy. You really didn’t need to do anything with this whole JC rampage. But if there’s anyone I’d want in my corner, you’ve been a heck of a teammate.” Larry wants to show UGWC that he’s here to wrestle among the best, and sometimes that means teaming up to face the best teams. But he’d be wrong to think there wasn’t a kinship developing between them, one built on respect and a will to see justice brought in the ring. Or the arena, as they did tonight.
Larry extends his hand out to Vengy. “But seriously, if there’s anything I can do to help you, name it.” He’s really going for a handshake with this Vengy guy, huh? Okay, I guess this could mean some epic Cooperative battles to recount!
Hey Vengy, this is a good time to see if you can team-up with Larry.
“I’ve already been working on that!,” he thinks aloud, and looks at Larry. “You’re welcome to join me on patrol, Citizen Tact! If we’re going to keep up your sidekick training, you’ve got to learn the ropes!”
“Wait… patrol? Sidekick training??” Larry takes a half step back, like he’s heard taboo information, but it catches his intrigue. “What exactly does that entail? I thought you’d ask me to get you someone to like, do your taxes.”
“Superheroes don’t pay taxes!” The Avenger says, completely unaware that tax evasion is against the law.
“It is?” Vengy frowns. Don’t worry Vengy, the smart version of you has been handling them. You’re safe.
“Well that’s good, taxes are confusing!”
“Exactly!” Larry shakes a fist by default. “But what in blazes is this patrolling? You go checking locks and doors?” he throws out a random trope.
“No, silly! We look around for crimes that may or may not be afoot! I like to do it on the rooftops!” Vengy is already testing what poses he’s feeling up to doing.
It doesn’t take a moment for Larry to distract from that thought, so he tries again. “Checking bank vaults?”
Vengy gives a cheesy grin. “I don’t think I’ve done that before. Maybe we could do that before the crooks carry out bags of money with dollar signs on them!”
Wait.
Wait.
Did THE AVENGER just tell a joke? At Larry’s expense?
“Maybe!” Vengy adds, proud of himself.
Larry scratches the peach fuzz on his head, and chuckles. “Touche, Vengy. I’ll give you that one. But… can you actually get into a bank vault?”
“The last time I tried that, they thought I was going to rob the place! It took a lot of convincing that I was only looking for criminals. Long story short, I had to open a checking account somewhere else!”
The anecdote makes Larry wonder if Vengy is an ardent multitasker, being on various phone loops whilst fighting for Justice? That would be as impressive as his toughness for taking that Big Boot of Death.
“If it’s cooperative patrolling you want, then let’s give it a go!” He’s going for a handshake.
Vengy shakes Larry’s hand and remembers not to use his super strength on the reforming Game Changer. “Okay, let’s get going then!”
This makes Larry, who is turning away to head to the locker room, double back and stare at Vengy. “What? You don’t need a break after what we just went through with JC?”
Vengy pats Larry on the back, seeing that he still has a lot to learn about bringing justice. “Citizen Tact, evil does not rest. And neither do we! I’ll just take an aspirin!”
With a new sidekick to take names and kick butt alongside, Vengy takes the lead down the hallways of the arena. Their gear safely put away in the UGWC Arena, Larry changes into a blue hoodie and sweats, looking to be a low-key sidekick so he can focus on training. But it’s going to be difficult to learn patrolling without some heroics, right?
More than that, he feels like he’s finding admiration for Vengy’s purpose for patrolling. He sees how there are a lot of wrestlers who look at his teammate as an afterthought or someone who they could take down if and when they felt like it. What we are coming to understand more and more is that when it seems like there’s a lot of wild action all around, who is keeping his head on straight? It’s actually Vengy. There are definitely things Larry can learn from partnering with the Champion of Chaos, and deliver some justice along the way!
At one point, the duo finds themselves outside a UPS Store where there is a rush to try and get last-minute packages into a truck. In this festive season of the Chicago year, tensions run high and the UPS driver who’s explaining the truck is full takes a shot from an errant mail package! He tumbles down and Vengy rushes in with Larry having people stay back.
“Citizens! I know you want to get those gifts out in time for Christmas, but this is not the way!”
Vengy then picks up the package that struck the driver and frowns.
“Besides, this feels like clothes. Clothes are a lame Christmas gift!”
“That’s right, this is a time to be thankful,” Larry tries to backup Vengy.
The person who struck the driver with a box steps forward. “You doing ok there?” he gets on a knee and looks the driver in the eyes.
“Yes, thanks, a lot was happening,” the driver replies.
“All’s well that ends well!” Vengy declares, ready to pose.
“That’s right, all’s well… so long as you get back in that truck, and deliver the other packages I know made it on there!” the guy snaps back as he stands, a sneer on his face.
Larry puts an arm in front of the guy. “I don’t think that’s the idea my friend was getting at, pal.”
The guy looks at Larry, who doesn’t really know what the rules are for heroes picking fights with angry customers.
Before he can focus on that, Vengy looks at him with glee. “Wait. Did you just call us friends?”
Larry gives a nod, and a smirk. “We’re already teaming in UGWC, and you did keep me from a pretty terrible end to Synergy. We must have made a pretty good impression with our first match, taking down Alan and Zane, who are both achieving high accomplishments this year, in their own rights.” He’s a little surprised to admit, “Going along on this patrolling stuff isn’t as off the wall as I thought it might be. We may come from vastly different origins but our ability to work together is undeniable.”
The man looks at them both and rolls his eyes.
“Who the hell cares?” he shouts. This results in a finger point from Vengy.
“HEY!” The Avenger shouted. “LANGUAGE!”
Vengy then turns back to Tact. “I didn’t think we’d become friends already. To be honest, I was just trying to keep you on the side of good! I think you’ve got a lot of potential, Citizen Tact! As long as you know that no matter how badly jerks may bug us, we don’t ALWAYS have to go the Game Changer route!”
Larry looks pleased, motioning to the people. “It’s not that I think we don’t have to stay vigilant towards the dangers around us, and help those who could use it. I think you’ve seen that I’m making progress, although I still think… sometimes… it doesn’t hurt to pull a game changing move or two.”
The crowd of people, as well as the UPS driver, are gathering to watch the shenanigans of a pro wrestler and a superhero discuss their newfound friendship. The angry man, who is just getting angrier by the second, lays his hands on Vengy and spins him around.
“Listen here, it ain’t fuckin’ Halloween, and I gotta get my packages mailed off. So get outta here and mind your own…’
“SUPERHERO KICK!”
The Avenger extends his leg, as if he were going for a kick, but he stops. He surprisingly knew what he was doing. In fear of being struck, the man backs away quickly, slips and lands on his backside. This resulted in some laughs from the crowd.
Vengy looks at the man and shakes his head.
“Citizen, you may be spoiling for a fight, but you’re not getting one! Surely there is another way we can resolve this?”
The superhero extends his hand and the man takes it. Vengy lifts him to his feet and the man brushes himself off.
“Sorry,” he says. “I guess you’re right. I was losing my cool.”
“Think nothing of it, Citizen!”
Vengy then turns to Tact. “Do you see? The side of good is the side you want to be on!”
“That’s a smooth move,” Larry looks a little impressed, thinking Vengy would follow through on the Superhero Kick. “You have a way of spreading your goodwill without always needing to make such an aggressive choice.” Larry sees the UPS driver standing in front of them. “You alright here?”
“Thanks for giving me a hand,” he shakes his head, giving a sigh of relief. “This time of year, people can lose their heads a little. Good having you two out here to lend a hand.”
Vengy gives a fist bump to the driver. “Think nothing of it, Citizen! We will keep on serving the people.”
Larry follows suit and slaps hands with the guy. “We don’t want anyone to be put in harm’s way, and definitely not someone trying to serve the people.”
“Hey… what do we call you, anyway?”
Vengy’s eyes light up. “Ohhhh right. We need to think of a team name!”
Larry gives a smirk. “A less arduous challenge.”
After making strides in serving the general populace on their patrol, along with working on some cool superhero poses, Larry and Vengy end up watching the city from an observation deck in Willis Tower, fka Sears Tower. The sun is beginning to set but Larry has a hand over his eyes as he looks, and Vengy is feeling good enough to strike a crouching pose that looks like he’s altered to all happenings around.
Larry scans the skyline. “I think I can guess where the UGWC Arena is from here. What I don’t need to guess this week, though, is who we’ll be facing inside of it. Gideon Thornfield and Phrixus Deimos, a mysterious duo in their own right. We know that Gideon ushered in himself to the Coalition with a win over John Blade, and now we’re going to see how he fares in cooperative action. I wonder if he expected to be standing alongside Fear itself.”
“Fear? That guy’s not scary. You know what’s scary? Running from a T-rex wearing a wig. But Citizen Deimos is definitely a formidable opponent! He’d held a lot of gold here, it would be silly to underestimate him! Even if he hasn’t been a Champion of Chaos before! As for that Gideon guy, well, he’s going to need more than a win over John Blade, but I have faith he’ll prove himself later. Much later, after this match. Because, you know, we’re gonna win!”
Larry scratches his beard and looks at Vengy. “It’s true, we are going to be coming into this match with even better teamwork after we were able to patrol together.”
The Avenger stops posing and throws his arms up. “See? I told you patrolling would do the trick!”
Larry nods. “True, and still, this is an even different threat than we faced on patrol. The trouble this team could cause should be something we watch out for this week, though. Gideon is someone who has seemingly gotten his way, by hook or by crook, as I’ve heard of how he isn’t above making some unsavory connections.” He glances back out at the skyline. “He’s even got himself an assistant to carry out his will, in one Oliver Neville. On top of that possible disadvantage, we have an opponent in Deimos who may not be scary to you, but I can see how he will be formidable for the reasons you stated and more. He lurks around the halls of UGWC with a purpose, and I think we should be wary of what he can do in the ring at a moment’s notice.”
Vengy shrugs. "I'm not worried, Citizen. I know that I'm giving my best out there no matter what, and that's what counts. I want to win, and I think we will, but as long as we do our best and do what's right, we're the winners no matter what. Especially since we don't do drugs. Every arcade machine I ever saw told me not to do that. All I needed before playing The Simpsons was a warning from the government! I mean sheesh, I just want to hit somebody with Marge’s vacuum!"
The Simpsons reference perks Larry’s ears. “Hey, I understand that reference! You know what? As good a team as these two could make, the #TactFact is we’re a really good team, too. We’re about to go into this match and show the Coalition that we’re serious about making a team they can get behind, and that’s going to raise our games even further. Fear and Gideon? They don’t have that connection, not with the fans or as partners.” He gives a grunt that conveys some assurance. “You’re right, Vengy. We got this one. There isn’t a lot these two can do in the face of this duo of superhero star power.”
“Is that the team name you’re thinking of?” Vengy encourages.
“No, but we can workshop it. What I know is, we’re a team.”
Vengy stares off into space and nods.
"Yeah, we got this match. Team name can come later. But you know what else we got?"
Tact raises an eyebrow. Vengy just grins, holding up his phone.
"Directions to an arcade and a bunch of quarters."
“Simpsons Arcade binge!”