All-New Avenger #6: The Return of Steel Trent Steel
LAST TIME IN ALL-NEW AVENGER:
There is an earth, far away from ours in the multiverse, designated Earth #42. Vengy has been there and as far as he could tell, it was perfect. There wasn't any crime, and any minor infractions were handled quickly by that Earth's Avenger, the luck-powered Paragon.
But even a perfect Earth has its imperfections.
What Earth would bring a creature to life, for example, only to immediately cause it great suffering. That was the tale of Steel Trent Steel, a sheet of steel brought to life by lightning, before being molded into a beam. If you've never had that happen to you before, trust me, it hurts.
Steel Trent Steel learned a lot about himself. He learned he could move and he could somehow talk. Unfortunately he was used as a piece of infrastructure, and this was something he didn't agree with. Using his favorite swear word, he offended many passersby until they had to set him free.
In their defense when they used him for construction, they didn't know he was alive.
Now, as we head into an all-new All-New Avenger (yes, we used all-new twice), you might ask yourself: What does this abomination unto our Lord have to do with Vengy? Doesn't Vengy have to worry about an upcoming Chaos title match with Ezra Wolf?
If he did, he might say, "Fuck!"
Of course, he'd probably say that anyway.
(We can use that this one time, Vengy isn't here).
ALL-NEW AVENGER, ISSUE #6:
"What the heck happened to my hand?!"
The Avenger stared at the latest issue of his comic, which was ready to print for all of his fans. He tilted it sideways and gawked at it, a frown forming on his normally happy face. It was January and he was keeping himself busy until UGWC returned from hiatus. Reading his own comics seemed to be way to go.
Sam Action, who was currently shadowboxing to prepare for his own match elsewhere, glanced over at him. The two were on top of a hill in the Appalachians, far away from the hustle and bustle one normally finds in their home city of Baltimore. It seemed as good as place as any to get some heroic training in. Vengy just happened to be on a break.
"What you mean, Vengy?"
Vengy showed him the comic, complete with a three-fingered render of him.
"They Ninja Turtled me!" he shouted.
"Oh yeah," Sam said, getting a good look at it. "I heard about this. AI art. Or something. Can't do hands."
"The machines are taking over art? This is the worst thing Skynet could ever do!"
Sam sighed and chuckled quietly.
"Not that kinda AI man," he said. "Just a tool that people use. A lot of people get lazy wit' it."
Avenger scratched his head and then tucked away the comic in his utility belt.
"Does that mean I gotta fire the guy? I don't want to fire anyone."
Sam shrugged. "I mean, maybe."
Avenger was walking backward, lost in his thoughts. He had come along way since returning to UGWC, as he conquered his fear of Lucy Wylde, won the Chaos Championship and then continued to work on his self-confidence. All things considered, 2023 was a good year for Vengy. He hated to start 2024 on such a sour note.
"Maybe if I just ask him politely not to use the robots, then he'll stop."
Unfortunately, our hero wasn't paying attention to where he was going. Vengy? That hill has a cliff.
"Of course, if I had robots, I'd use them all the time!"
He's not listening. Let's hope Sam can get there in time. And indeed, Sam did see his best friend getting perilously close to danger. He began charging over, jumping over a whole bush, calling his friend's name. However, Sam was unable to stop our hero from taking a fateful step backwards, and he began to tumble down the steep cliffside.
"What the...?"
The Avenger fell backward and landed on a very narrow patch of land, but his momentum doubled him over and he began rolling down the hill like a tumbleweed. He kept reaching around him, trying to stop the fall, but that only made him skid and tear his costume. Sam got to the edge of the cliff and yelled down at him.
"Hey man!" he yelled. "I thought you could fly!"
Vengy tried to yell back, each word punctuated by a tumble.
"Can't!"
"Fly!"
"Too!"
"Dizzy!"
"Help!"
Without taking any more time, Sam jumped down to follow his friend, although he had more control. He slid down the dirt as if he were skiing, trying to catch up to Vengy. But Vengy had momentum on his side and it carried him all the way down the hill. Sam, meanwhile, was distracted by the sky darkening and a long heavy object falling from the sky near where Vengy was set to land.
The Avenger finally made it down to the bottom of the hell, slamming back-first against the ground. He was dizzy, he was beat up and had a serious case of road rash on his backside, but he was otherwise okay. Sam joined him soon after and helped him to his feet.
"veeerry dizzy..."
"Did you say something?" Sam asked, trying to stop Vengy from falling down again.
"gonna vomit." Vengy said quietly.
He turned away from Sam and took a few steps forward, when his foot caught something large and heavy.
"Watch where you're f*(>ing going!" Steel Trent Steel yelled, already miserable on this new world.
"language..."
Vengy then fell forward and cracked his head on a rock.
------------------------------------------------------------(A)-------------------------------------------------------------
Vengy woke up on the softest material he ever felt. It was even softer than 500 thread count Egyptian cotton. He moved his hands up to his head, expecting to find a bump. There was nothing. No cut, no bump and no pain.
"That's weird," he mumbled, pushing himself up to his feet. He looked down at the ground and saw that he was literally on a cloud. This didn't surprise him as much as one would think. It was likely that when you traveled the multiverse and met everything from dinosaurs to talking sausages, standing on a cloud wasn't a big deal.
"Ha!" he exclaimed. "I told everyone I could fly!"
I don't think that's the case here, Vengy.
"Sure it is!" he said, bouncing on the surface a little bit. It had some give but it was still suitably solid. "Where's my camera, now I have proof I have superpowers! This will show Konrad!"
PLEASE WALK TO THE GATES IN AN ORDERLY FASHION
A booming voice called out from around Vengy, although he wasn't sure of the source. However, as soon as he was told about the gates, they appeared in front of him. He could have sworn they weren't there before, but then again, he was focused on the cloud.
"Um, hello? Would anyone like to tell me where I am?"
THE CLOUD ZONE IS FOR LOADING AND UNLOADING ONLY.
"Well that joke's obscure."
Avenger shrugged his shoulders and walked forward to the gates, which opened unprompted. He stepped inside, a little unsure but otherwise curious where the path would lead him. As it turned out, there wasn't much. But as the path revealed itself, so did the area he was walking to.
A ticket booth.
"Ticket, please!" A voice called out from behind the glass. It was the same person as before, but their voice was no longer amplified.
Avenger tilted his head. "Look buddy, I just woke up here."
"Do you have an appointment?"
Vengy mouthed, "appointment" in a questioning tone, then sighed. "What do you mean?"
"Everyone who visits has to have an appointment or they have to leave."
"Yeah but I don't..."
The figure behind the glass was obscured, but Vengy was able to see them lean forward to get a better look at him. "Check your utility belt," they said, before leaning back in their chair.
"The only thing I have there is..."
Vengy didn't finish his sentence, as he reached down and found a ticket. It was large and golden, with th words "ADMIT ONE" stamped on it.
"What in the Willy Wonka is this?"
"You got it when your appointment was scheduled. I'll take that."
A slot opened on the ticket booth and not knowing what else to do, Vengy slid the ticket inside.
"And when was that appointment made?"
The voice said nothing, as the ticket booth began to disappear. Vengy reached out to try and grab something but his hand went through the booth like it was a less stable cloud than the one he stood on. Instead, the path continued. He had no other options so he decided to keep walking. As he did, more of the area began to reveal itself.
He was in a carnival. A carnival on the clouds. There were roller coasters, food stands, games, a ferris wheel and more than he could see off in the distance. And in the center was a bounce house. Actually, it was a bounce castle. If Vengy didn't figure that out on his own, the words "HIS HOLY BOUNCE CASTLE" on the front might have helped.
"I've done enough bouncing today," Vengy said, before turning around. But when he did, he was faced with a wall. He tried to go to the right or left and once again, walls appeared that weren't there before. He had been around some powerful beings before, but nothing with the reality-warping powers he was dealing with.
"Look, I'm a superhero, and..."
The ground begin to lift up behind him, and suddenly he was thrown headfirst into the bouncy castle. He didn't even have time to take off his shoes. Vengy landed with a front flip onto his back, before getting to his feet as best as he could. In the center of the castle, there was a thrown. And sitting in that thrown was a large, balding, bearded man. His robes and his beard were as white as the snow. Vengy suddenly got very excited when he realized who this person was.
"SANTA! You old so-and-so, you could have told me it was you!"
Vengy tried to wobble over to give Father Christmas a hug. The figure stared at him blankly and then shook His head.
"What? No, I'm God."
Vengy stopped in mid-step, bouncing slightly on one leg.
"Say what?"
"God. Gee Oh Dee. You know, the Creator. Jesus' dad. Lord and Savior. That kinda thing."
"No I heard you," Vengy said bluntly. "I just don't believe it."
"You didn't strike me as an atheist," the Almighty replied.
"Um, I don't think my readers want me to insert politics or religion into this book. I mean I know some of them are in the Bible belt but..."
God laughed. "Oh, you don't have to worry about readers anymore. You're going to be here for a while. Or the other place. I haven't decided yet."
Vengy put his leg down. Standing on one leg seemed undignified in front of...Him. He chuckled nervously.
"Um, are you telling me I'm dead?"
"Yeah, man. It's a trip, ain't it?"
Vengy sat down and grabbed at his head. That's when he realized it was the bump on the head that did it. He looked up at God, who was still staring back, studying him. Thinking. Vengy raised an eyebrow.
"Wait a second...how can I be dead? A bump on the noggin' is nothing for a superhero! I demand a recount!"
"What?"
"I mean, a mulligan! A do-over! I can't be dead!"
God simply shrugged his shoulders, which made Him jiggle on His bouncy castle throne.
"Listen buddy, you die, you come here. I decide where you go. I don't make the rules."
Vengy threw his arms up in the air and looked around him, completely exasperated.
"YOU don't make the rules? You're God! You literally WROTE the rules?"
God sighed at our late hero's reaction. Vengy looked down this time, assuming that Heaven was now above the narrator. The Almighty waved off the accusations.
"Ah, come on, man. I'm just doing my job. You know how bureaucracies are."
Before The Avenger could say something that might threaten his eternal resting place, Our Lord and Savior tilted His head, listening to a voice only He could hear.
"What's that Karen?" He asked. "A coma? Kendamnit. Are you kidding me? Do you know how much paperwork I'm going to have to file over this?"
He kept listening.
"Fine, I'll send him back. Get me Form R and Schedule A for the memory wipe."
The Lord turned around and looked back at our hero, smiling.
"Hey! Vengy! Good news! You're not dead!"
Vengy popped up to his feet, happy that he was right. He thought about telling God that he told Him so, but wondered if that was blasphemy. He decided to ask something else instead.
"Excuse me, God?"
The Lord was busy looking in his robe for a pen, and nodded absentmindedly.
"Why'd you have so much trouble deciding where to send me? I'm a superhero and constantly do good things!"
God shifted in his bouncy seat uncomfortably. "I don't really watch anymore. It's all re-runs. Sinning, people killing each other, old guys in charge. It's boring."
Vengy felt a little sad but understood.
"I did see you though, when I studied you. You're a good kid. Really mean to yourself though. Probably should cut that out. You do great things and they like that up here."
Our hero tilted his head again.
"So...by they, you mean You?"
God shrugged. "Ah, you know, my bosses. Office politics. Don't want to get into it. But be nicer to yourself.
Vengy nodded. "Fine, I will. I'll think about it."
"Actually, you won't. You'll have to learn this lesson all over again. Sorry about that."
God then clapped His hands together and everything went black.
------------------------------------------------------------(A)-------------------------------------------------------------
Vengy woke up and the surface he was laying on was not as soft as...well, he couldn't remember exactly, but he dreamed he was on a cloud. The last thing he did remember was tripping over something and hitting his head. He reached his hand up and found that there wasn't any trace of the injury.
"Must be that superhero healing," a voice said from nearby.
The Avenger opened his eyes and saw that he was in a hospital bed, and when he glanced over, he saw Sam, #536 and Venge all sitting around him. Well, the first two were sitting. Venge was too busy sniffing the curtains.
Vengy tried to talk but his throat was dry. So instead he whispered.
"What happened?"
Sam leaned forward. "You hit your head, man. Almost three months ago. You've been in a coma."
Vengy's eyes opened all the way.
"WHAT? But...heroics! UGWC! I'm the...or was...the Chaos Champion! Aw man, they probably stripped me of the..."
#536 stood up and reached into a bag, pulling out Vengy's title. Vengy was relieved, but confused.
"But how?"
No one really had an answer. "They just didn't book you." #536 said. "You had one in-ring segment and a match and that was about it."
"How could I have had a match?"
Suddenly, the deranged Venge (remember him? He's the skinny Avenger that was tortured by a Mothman in a hellscape dimensio) leaped onto the bed.
"IT WAS ME!"
Vengy was unnerved and pushed him out of his face. "Ok..okay, thank you. And how did that match go?"
"TRENT STEEL THREW ME OVER THE TOP ONTO MY HEAD!"
"How can a steel beam....."
Vengy shook his head. A loss was a loss and Venge did look the most like him so no one would ever know.
"Whatever, you guys let Venge TALK for me?"
Sam laughed. "We made him memorize a script. He actually didn't do that bad. Said you were sorry about being away and that you'd keep fighting. He was actually gonna cut one today, if you didn't wake up. Probably defend your belt too."
Vengy looked at his friends, wondering what part of the conversation he was missing. "I'm booked?"
"WE GET TO FIGHT A WEREWOLF!" Venge shouted, before howling.
------------------------------------------------------------(A)-------------------------------------------------------------
He felt good to be standing again, even if he was wobbly. And a roof was a lot higher than a hillside cliff. But still, he had his first title defense in a while and it was against someone he was familiar with.
"Greetings, UGWC Citizens! YOUR Chaos Champion, The Avenger, here! And it seems I've got my work cut out for me this time! You see, while your pal Vengy has been away, it seems a lot has changed, but one thing stays the same, Ezra Wolf gets a title match he probably won't win!"
Vengy frowned briefly but shrugged his shoulders.
"Was that too mean? I don't know, I hit my head recently. But I meant what I said last week!"
Someone corrected him just off-camera.
"I mean, three weeks ago! I plan to fight and be a fighting champion! Heck, I gave like six people a title shot at Horizons and I won! And one of those was you, Ezra! But you got third place or whatever in the Global Challenge and here you are again! Good for you, pal! I'm proud of you! And who cares if you cashed in on a guy you already beat instead of going for a tougher challenge? It's not like you called someone else out last year for doing that same thing! That wouldn't look good for you!"
Another correction from off-camera.
"Wait, he DID do that? Yikes on bikes."
"Anywho, I've been keeping score and the way I see it, we're 1-1! You beat me and then I beat you! Pretty good odds, Mr. Wolf! And perhaps if YOUR Chaos champion liked batting at a .500 average, that might be enough for me. It seems to be enough for you and that's fine! It's 2024, The Avenger does not judge!"
Avenger nodded, agreeing with himself. Which was honestly kind of annoying but he's been sick so we'll forgive him.
"I don't know what your plans with this belt are, but I'll tell you what mine are! You see, I plan to take on all comers, face any challenge! I mean heck, I beat Lucy Wylde to win this darn thing, so I'd better make it count! Did I like sitting on the sidelines while everyone else was in the Global Challenge? Not really. I don't blame anyone else for my mistakes, Ezra. I think that's where me and you are different!"
He grins. Vengy isn't aware that he's getting good burns on his challenger, he's just being friendly and offering unsolicited advice.
"See, you've had your struggles, but you always seem to lash out at others! I saw you do it with that creepy Zane guy. You got real big mad at JC and Knox. You said some not-so-nice things about Lucy way back when you faced her. But you never thought to look inside yourself! There's only one guy who can put the mid in midcard, Ezra, and that's the guy you see in a mirror!"
This time, Vengy did catch himself being too mean. He shook his head.
"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. My point is, being a wrestler is a lot of hard work. And I've been where you are. I've lost a lot! Heck, when I first started, I lost all the time! It's tough figuring out how to do this anyway, and I had to keep from using my superpowers! But I got through it and here I am! And I plan to fix my mistakes and do better. That's all we can do, Ezra! So maybe you shouldn't get mad at whoever you're facing and instead wonder WHY you're mad! I have doubts too. I make mistakes. All we can do is accept that and move forward!
Our hero nods to himself, being mindful that even now, he wonders how his match will go at Alchemy.
"I hope to see the best possible Ezra Wolf out there at the PPV! Only the best for the Chaos division, that's what I want! And when you lose, that's okay! Because then an even better Ezra Wolf will try again! I'll be like Sarah Connor, going up against the T-1000 after just beating the T-800!"
He wonders if Ezra will understand that reference, as he's not even sure how old his opponent is.
"Anyway, my point is, I plan to keep this title at Alchemy and be the best Chaos champion I can be! A shining symbol to the Coalition! And to do that, I have to keep fighting. I have to fight you. And maybe iron will sharpen iron and you'll be better later. I hope so! But Ezra, and I mean this, you will NOT be taking this belt from me at Alchemy! So be prepared to deal with the aftermath, because THIS hero may lose one day...but not yet!"
Vengy then quickly pulled out his phone and chuckled to the person off-camera.
"You see what I did there? It was the title of his video. I was gonna watch it but...oh crap, is this still filming?"
There was a confirmation out of earshot and Vengy frowned.
"But that was a great closing line! Now what do I do? Just end it now on whatever I'm saying?"