AvengerVerse Mini-Issue #1: Strong Bad Email

The Avenger has been hard to track down ever since he lost his best friend back in AvengerVerse: Volume 2, Issue 12. Until we can get the third volume up and rolling with brand new adventures, enjoy this mini-story in the GRAND AVENGERVERSE TRADITION. 

------(A)------

"I'm sad," The Avenger said. "I was supposed to have this big title match for Carnage Wrestling and, well..."

He let the words hang in the air, because everyone in the room knew what was going on. 536, a heavyset Avenger from the universe of the same name, sat solemnly and patted his friend on the back. 

"Sam did what he thought was best," 536 said, although he knew his words offered little comfort. For those who missed it (or are too lazy to pick up the last issue), Sam Action sacrificed himself by tackling the Evil Avenger into a portal to the NegaVerse, from which there is no escape. His last words to his friend where that the 'Multiverse does need an Avenger.' 

"Yeah, but I'm not that Avenger," our hero said, not really caring if 536 gave him a confused look for talking to the narrator. To his credit, his larger companion simply ignored it. He was busy looking through a bag while the two hung out on top of the Carnage Arena, a building which was closed. The final show, Underground, had already come and went, and Avenger couldn't even remember how the match went due to his grief. Maybe he won, maybe he didn't. It didn't matter at the moment.

536 had a small smile as he finally reached inside the bag and pulled out several stacks of letters.
 

"So, it's been a while since you've answered your fan mail," 536 began, before Avenger turned his head around with an angry look on his face.

"Fan mail?" he asked. "Why would I care about fan mail?"

Avenger had never taken this tone with anyone before. But grief does strange things to people. So does depression. And Vengy was suffering from both. 

He kept on, adding,
"I don't have it in me to be 'The Avenger' right now. My best friend is gone. My home is gone. My title belt is gone. I've got nothing."

536 stood his ground and shoved the bag in his face. "I think you need this," he replied. "And more importantly, you may not feel like being the Avenger, but since when does being a hero depend on how we feel? You need to step up! These people count on you!" 

Avenger stared at his friend at a moment, and realizing he was only trying to help, softened back into his normally gentile demeanor. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry. Let's do it. Maybe it'll cheer me up!"

536 pulled out his cell phone and hit record, so that the Avenger's words could be taped for posterity...or perhaps a future wrestling promo. Luckily, Avenger didn't hear that as he had his head stuffed in the mailbag, searching through the letters. 

He pulled out one with the name drawn in crayon.
"Okay, so this one is from a kid. Aww, his name's Luthie. He wants to know what my favorite type of milk is." He thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, it does do a body good. It's the elixir of life! And obviously, health is the secret to every superhero's success! In fact, Luthie, it builds up your bones so you can be big and strong, maybe even be a superhero yourself! So I think all milk is pretty great!"

536 couldn't help but smile, as Avenger was already starting to get back into superhero mode. He couldn't help it. He couldn't stop being a hero more than he could stop breathing.

Avenger looked at another one, simply said 'aww' and held the letter up so that 536 could see it.


"Deer Avenjur,

My names Taylor and im 8 yrs old. I watched show about superheroes all the timee. My favrit is Spider man. Do you no him?? Who do you want 2 teem up with if u cud? Thanks you.

- Taylor"

"Well Taylor," he said. "I don't know Spider-Man all that well. But, you bet I would team up with him! All superheroes instantly like each other, and I'm sure we'd be best friends! Thanks for your letter, Citizen Taylor!"

He smiled for the first time in a while and kept looking through the bag. "You're right," he said. "This is fun."

536 gave a smile, a knowing one, as he waited for Avenger to find another letter he had hidden. 

"This is one is from UGWC Hall of Famer Jet Somers!" he looked at the camera and gave a big thumbs up and a cheesy grin. "Didn't know you were a fan, Citizen Somers!" 

He glanced at the question and his grin turned to a frown. "Keeping UGWC clean can feel like trying to establish order in a penal colony at times. What's your plan?"

Avenger stared at the letter for a moment, then looked up at the camera with the same frown still hanging on his face. "The Avenger does not tolerate such harsh language as 'penal', Citizen. And shame on you for making me say it twice!"

He tossed Somers' letter behind him and found another, which looked more official. 536 got excited, as it was the one he hid earlier.

"Dear. Mr. Avenger. UGWC are hereby inviting you to compete on our roster....and have booked you for Synergy on June 14...your opponent is Travis Pierce....congratulations?"

He looked up at 536, who held out his arms. "Surprise!" he said to the shocked hero, who began to beam with happiness and excitement.

"I'm wrestling for UGWC? But that's only a few days away! I gotta cut a promo on Pierce! I gotta go home and wash my tights! I...um...yeah, promo first."

"Okay," his larger friend added. "But hurry up, I don't have much battery left."

"Travis Pierce! When we fight at Synergy..."